A Mother's Pain
by EternallyCullen
Summary: "People say that when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes. Mine did not. All I could see before me was William's face, his eyes gazing at me. I hoped be with him soon."   -Esme's story & her life with Carlisle
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Big mega thanks to my wonderful beta, LisaDawn75 - without her, this would still be lots of words with bad tense and poor punctuati**on.

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_When a wife loses her husband, she is called a widow. _

_When a husband loses his wife, he is called a widower. _

_There is no name for a parent who loses a child._

**1921**

I had nothing left. The only thing that had ever been mine had been taken away from me – my hope and my future. My life. Why was I being scourged for protecting him?

The harsh wind burned my blotchy and tear-stained face while sobs escaped my lips uncontrollably. I had _nothing_ to live for. Why was God punishing me? For leaving my husband? For _wanting_ to live my life with my child – alone? I prayed that He would understand I was doing this for my unborn child…but did He hear my prayers anymore? I did not want the growing life inside of me to come to harm by the hand of his father. But I was obviously very wrong. I had taken vows under the eyes of God and before our families, and so, by running, I had sinned. And now, I had been censured. My four days of happiness had been shattered. I was empty.

The only way out for me was off this cliff – Perhaps The Lord would be merciful and reunite me with my son again once it was all over.

For all eternity.

I gazed over the edge, unafraid of what was to come. Surely death could not be as horrible as feeling the absolute destruction of my heart and soul.

It was a long drop and I wondered if it would hurt. How cold the thrashing waves appeared. If the fall did not kill me, then surely those sharp, frigid rocks would. I would never have to bother anyone again.

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Five Months Earlier…

I clutched the tiny bulge that was my stomach and smiled to myself. I was making the right decision. I was unable to shield myself from the attacks and the punches, and there was no way that I would endanger this precious life inside of me. Charles was sensible enough to keep the bruises in areas that were unlikely to be seen, so it was not as if anyone would help me or believe me anyway.

I had spoken to my mother, but she tried to tell me that perhaps I was disobeying him – that Charles was a good man. But I was afraid of what he might do. If I told him that I was with child, would the nightly abuse stop? Or would he continue to force me into making love to him...holding me down, forcing his entry into my body? And if I were to anger him, would he chasten me by taking his boot to my womb?

I was not prepared to find out.

I had to get away from him – for me and my child. I knew it meant that I would have to sacrifice my entire family and hope that they would never find me, but that was what I was willing to do for my baby. However, I knew I would have to make plans if I were to be successful.

I found solitude with a second cousin in Milwaukee, but after just a few short weeks my whereabouts was relayed to my parents. It was time to move on once again, so I moved north to a small community just outside of Ashford, Wisconsin.

I had worked as a teacher during the war, so it was easy to seek employment once again for a few short months before my child was to be born. I had worried that teaching would make me easy to find. But it was never an issue. Perhaps my family and Charles had given up? I was not sure. Either way, though, I needed to find a source of income.

And so, I found a home, and tried my very best to blend in. Posing as one of many war widows. Perhaps one day, I would find someone whom I could love and have more children with. That was the biggest dream of my life. A second chance at love.

I had taken the money from a savings account I had opened and contributed to while Charles was gone to the war. It was enough to set me up in a small room in a shared building. It was not ideal, but it was dry and there was a lock on my door. If I was able to get a job, I would be able to set up a home...I hoped.

***

It was a Monday morning when I went into labor; I was two days past my expected due date. My waters suddenly broke and then the pain started coming quickly; I could barely stand up from the agony. A scream ripped from my throat. I needed help, however. I could not afford to have the baby in a hospital. Most of my friends at home in Ohio had given birth at home. So I could do this – albeit alone, if I had to.

My sounds of misery alerted Martha, who lived down the hall from me. She came to my aid, aware of the situation I was in after watching my stomach swell the past few months. She was such a kind woman who was so reassuring and who had assisted in many home births. She asked me if I would allow her to help me, seeing as how I was not planning on going to the hospital. I accepted most gratefully. Martha was a wonderful, caring midwife. She helped me breathe, told me when to pant, and when to push.

On Tuesday morning at 6:10 am, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy – my son. I named him William. His eyes were bright blue and he had a headful of caramel-colored hair – just like my own. I was overcome with a sense of pure love and affection for this tiny person. I knew that he was going to be mine forever.

I was so thankful that Martha was there to help me as William's umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and he was silent. Martha unwrapped the cord and gave him a small slap on his rump which prompted him to take a loud scream. Tears fell from my eyes as I cuddled him and told him how much I loved him. I held him to my breast and fed him; it was the most amazing feeling. I was a mother! I now had someone to take care of, someone who was totally and completely dependent on me. And he was perfect. I felt complete. All I wanted to do was to keep William safe.

But, I could not even do that.

Two days later, I noticed some changes in William. He did not seem able to eat, no matter how much he wanted to. His head would frantically wriggle in the direction of my breasts where he could smell the sweet milk gathering for him. Yet, when I helped him to latch on, he would suckle for a moment, then pull away crying and coughing up a lot of mucus. Something was just not right.

I swaddled William and carried him to see Martha, tears in my eyes. I was terrified. What was happening? Perhaps he did not like my milk? Was _I_ the reason he was sick?

Martha took him from me, her brow creased in concern. "Esme," she whispered as she raised a hand to his forehead. I could hear his raspy breathing as he now struggled to breathe. "We need to take him to a doctor."

Everything after was a blur to me. I remember holding him in my arms as Martha hailed and paid for a horse and gig to take us to the hospital. The hustle and bustle of the hospital as I was ushered in was nothing but a constant buzz in my ears. A nurse took William from my arms and disappeared through a set of double doors. I fell to my knees, crying for my son. _Please, God, please don't punish my son for my mistakes!_

I soon found myself in a small white room.

***

The look on the doctor's face was forlorn. He gestured for me to take a seat on a dark, hard, wooden chair. I thought I had no more tears to produce, but I was wrong. I sat numbly and looked up as one of the nurses brought my baby in, swaddled tightly. She handed him to me silently.

The doctor looked at me sadly. "Miss… I am so sorry. Your son isn't going to make it. He is very unwell, and there is nothing we can do. There is no treatment."

He explained to me that William had pneumonia, which was a serious infection of the lungs and chest. Babies did not cope well with this, particularly in bad weather such as we had been experiencing. He said that William and I probably did not have very much longer together. He told me there was no hope.

I could not speak. I felt physically sick, and I could not believe what this man was telling me. My baby...my baby whom I had run away for, strived to _save_… The baby, whom I carried in my womb for nine months, gave birth to in my apartment with only Martha present to help me, was being taken from me. What did I do wrong? Why did I not deserve to be a mother anymore? And mostly…_how_ could I not have known that something was wrong?

I held William close to me, kissing him all over his perfect little face. His beautiful blue eyes remained closed and his breathing was slow and labored.

The doctor leaned forward and squeezed my shoulder gently. "I'll leave you alone with your baby now," he said quietly, wanting to give me some private moments with my son in his last hours of life.

I held him close, talking to him, and telling him how much I loved him with all my heart and soul. I did not want to believe what I had been told. Instead, I wanted to get up and run away from that place with William. I wanted to keep him safe and protect him like I should have been able to do. I could not live without him. How could I live my life, knowing that my baby was in Heaven? Would I ever even _get_ to be with him in Heaven? Did God hate me so much that perhaps I did not deserve to be with him, _ever_?

William's breathing slowed a little, and he gasped. I could tell that he was trying to cry. I could do no more for him than whisper to him and hold him close. I could not save him from what was coming, no matter how much I tried. My body began to shake as I felt myself weaken. No, I could not – not in his hour of need. I had to be strong for him so that he knew that I would be with him on the other side as soon as I could.

It was 9:30 p.m. when William grew his little angel wings. Upon hearing my sobs, the doctor came to check on him. He took his stethoscope and listened to my son's chest. He shook his head. "I'm so very sorry, he's gone."

I nodded and another sob escaped my lips.

"We need to take him from you now," the doctor told me.

What!? They were going to take him from me? I held him tighter to my chest, wanting him...willing him to take a breath. If his little heart would win and beat once more, they could not take him away from me. I was his mother...he _needed_ me.

As I needed him.

However, my will and body were not as strong as the doctor's. With the help of a nurse, who gently took my hands, the doctor took William from my arms. He looked as though he were merely sleeping. I wanted him so much. I gazed at his precious little face, trying through my tears to take and memorize in every last detail of him. He looked so perfect to me.

I broke down as he was carried out of the small white room. I will never forget that moment when the doctor turned his back on me, blocking my view from where my tiny child lay in his arms. "Take care of him," I whispered. I hoped I saw the doctor give me a silent nod.

And that was the last time I saw William.

I asked the nurse where they were taking my son and I wished that I had not. I was worried that down _there_ with all of the dead, that he would be cold...and alone...afraid. I was afraid for him. I wanted to keep him safe with me. The nurse asked me how I wanted 'things dealt with' and at the time, I did not think. I only knew that I had no money. She had patted me on the arm and said, "Don't worry, the hospital will sort it out."

At the time I did not realize what this would mean – that he would not get a proper service where I could mourn him. Instead, he would lay in the ground, in an unmarked plot in a potter's field with strangers – victims of the Spanish Influenza, Jane and John Does, and whores. If only I had realized. I did not know that I would struggle to find him. I did not know that I would have nowhere to lay flowers for my child.

I walked home from the hospital that night, dazed...confused. I did not quite know where I was or even how I managed to get back in one piece. When I arrived there, however, I felt truly empty. My heart had been shattered into a million pieces. It could have been dead for all I cared.

So, I took myself away. I knew exactly what I was going to do. It was as though my plan had fallen into place. I had to be with William. I wanted to keep him safe within in my arms for all eternity.

I walked for what seemed like miles – out of the city limits, and I to the coast. The wind had a slight chill to it, and the cliff was high and steep. I took a deep breath as I walked to the edge.

I gazed over the edge. I was not afraid of what was to come. Surely death could not be as horrible as the feeling of the absolute destruction of my heart and soul.

With only thoughts of William, I stepped off the edge.

People say that when you die, your life flashes in front of your eyes. Mine did not. All I could see before me was William's face, his eyes gazing at me. I hoped be with him soon.

But then the blackness came.

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A/N -

Please do R&R and let me know what you think - I do have more if people would like me to carry on.

Please follow me on twitter for updates g3m2t3r


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer._

_I do own a little girl who is three next month, who can tell the difference between my Twilight and New Moon DVD's - And points to Edward and states that "It's daddy on there" - Princess Faith obviously knows that her mum has great taste in men... Although when asked, Faith will say she likes Jacob *shudders*. Cohen is on Team Bella. _

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**Once again, mega thanks to my fantabalous beta, LisaDawn75 for all her hard work and insight. You rock girl! **

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**Chapter 2 **

**Carlisle POV**

**1921. Ashford, Wisconsin.**

The hospital had been relatively quiet as of late. The Spanish Influenza was almost under control and the cases we were seeing were becoming less frequent. That was very good news. Although as a doctor, it was my job to be surrounded by death, I still did not like losing a patient. I would sometimes feel like I had failed my cause when it came to putting another body into the ground.

I had lost a young man to Polio that afternoon. When his father had brought him to the hospital, the disease had already paralyzed his respiratory muscles. It was never an easy task to tell a parent that their child would have mere hours remaining of their short lives.

There was nothing that I could have done to save the boy. Edward would sometimes listen to my thoughts after a particularly difficult shift at work and ask me the reasons why I wouldn't help any of my patients by changing them into what we were, as I had done for him three years before.

I had told it him that it wasn't that simple – the patients would have family, and young vampires would be consumed with hunting. I refused to put innocent lives in danger. Edward had been different – he had lost everyone. His mother had taken my cool hand within her own and begged me to help her son. Moments later she saw the light and passed on. I had promised Elizabeth Masen that I would keep her son safe, so I did the only thing I could. I had given Edward immortality.

Edward and I had resided in Ashford, Wisconsin, for eighteen months, Edward posing as my younger brother. He stayed at home mostly and read through my stacks of medical journals, played his piano and watched the world go by. I was glad of his companionship, however, even though sometimes this was tested due to both his fractious and brooding nature. Some days he was easier to be with than others. He was frustrated that he held so little memories of his human life, yet he could read the thoughts of each and every person around him and had no control over this. The poor young man did not know how to shut it off. Sometimes he even cursed me for giving him this life.

I would tell him that I was sorry, and that he should not feel bound to me; he was free to leave whenever he liked. Yet when I returned to our home, he was always there, waiting for me.

I wheeled my deceased Polio patient down below to the mortuary. We had staff to do that, but I liked to do it myself when I had no further work to do. It was peaceful down there and it would give me a few moments alone with the poor souls. I would sometimes apologize for not being able to aide them and make them well.

The stench of death would hit me hard – we could take care of up to fifty corpses at one time, and some would stay with us longer than others. Although I had no real desire to drink from a human, even the thought of drinking from the dead would turn the insides of my stone stomach. The smell – it was almost putrid to me. Hot, live, pumping blood had a sweet aroma; yet dead blood was cold...bitter. I could not even begin to imagine how that would taste running down my throat.

However, something seemed _off _that day in the dimness of the mortuary. My senses told me that there was something _alive_. There was the very slow and faint throbbing of a heartbeat. So quiet and weak, but it was there.

Then I smelled _her._

I followed the sweet scent to one of five gurneys placed against the back wall and pulled back the white cotton covering. I almost felt my dead heart explode within my chest. Had it have been beating, I am certain that it would have ceased at that moment when I laid my eyes upon her.

So beautiful…and so _familiar_. I knew this stunning creature.

Vampires are known for having perfect recall, and at that moment, it couldn't have been more perfect. My mind sped back to a warm summer, ten years ago – Ohio. A young woman was brought to my hospital with a broken leg. She had been climbing a tree and lost her footing, crashing to the ground ten feet below. Fractured, in two places. Clean breaks, which would heal nicely.

Miss Platt. Esme. Sixteen years old. She had blue eyes and thick caramel hair which cascaded in loose waves over her shoulders and grazed the tops of her breasts. I remembered feeling a pull towards her then. But I would have never acted upon it. Who would want a vampire whom had been on the earth for over two centuries after all? Certainly not a beautiful, no doubt intelligent young woman, such as Esme. She probably had scores of young bachelors wishing to court her. She would have run away in terror should she have learned the truth about me.

Yet she was there. She had a pulse but had been declared dead hours before.

Even so close to death she was stunning. Mesmerizing. And...I wanted her.

Without thinking, I scooped her up into my arms. Her frail body was twisted. Her spine was broken. I noted that she had been found on the shoreline. Esme's body was battered, no doubt from the harsh waves crashing her against the sharp rock formations on the coastline. Had this precious creature fallen to her death?

I thanked the Lord for it being night time and for casting the shadows all over the town which enabled me to quickly and quietly escape, holding Esme close to my body, bounding with her down alleys, then across rooftops until we reached home. I prayed that I was discreet and that my sudden disappearance would have gone unnoticed by the rest of the staff. Fortunately, it had been the end of my shift. I hoped that the hospital would overlook the missing body and that it would not cause too much suspicion.

Three times I almost turned back. I was overcome with feelings of guilt – I planned on taking the tiny part of life which remained in Esme's battered body and making her my own. I considered what I would do should she hate me for making the decision and changing her. What if she felt she would prefer being dead than leading an eternal life of hunting? Edward had accused me many times over that I had destined him for the loneliest life known. Feeding off the blood of animals. Not being in too much contact with humankind. What if she would _hate_ me for what I was about to do?

I shook the feelings off as I entered my townhouse through one of the rear windows. Edward looked up from his usual spot at the piano. He placed down the pen he had been using to roughly scrawl down the notes of his compositions. His amber eyes sparked an interest when he saw me.

"Carlisle?"

I nodded and met his gaze. "I found her in the hospital mortuary. She doesn't have much time. I know her from before, son. I'm going to save her."

_It's the only way. I feel close to her, Edward, I can't explain it. Inexplicably strong feelings are pulsing through me, _I added in my thoughts. Edward smiled crookedly, his eyes bright. He nodded.

"Help her, Carlisle," was his response. He sat back down at the piano and smiled once again before flexing his fingers and placing them lightly against the keys. "I'm not the doctor, but her heart sounds very weak. You had better get to work if you want her to survive the change." And then he chuckled. I was overwhelmed at the support he was giving me. And I was proud of him at that moment. He was an outstanding young man. I would have been proud to have been his father.

I climbed the stairs and entered one of the bedrooms. Edward and I didn't posses any furniture up there apart from two closets. It seemed pointless owning beds when neither of us had any use for them. Vampires didn't sleep and I had never considered finding us mates. We led a very different lifestyle to others of our kind. Many would not have an understanding of our choice of diet. Having a mate had never been an issue for me.

Laying her down on the floor, I knelt by her side, taking in her weak yet beautiful form. I pictured her the last time I saw her when she was a patient in my office. In death, she was a very different woman. Almost unrecognizable, bruises appearing all over her body, swelling in assorted places. A sorry sight. I was certain that once the change happened that she would be the most amazingly gorgeous creature ever.

Her hair was stuck to the side of her delectable neck, sticky with the salt from the water. I gently smoothed it away, exposing her naked throat. Esme's heart continued to slowly thud within her chest. It was time. I knew that if I were going to do it, it had to be at that moment or else her body and heart would soon be too weak to cope with the transformation.

I allowed myself to run my nose across her jaw, inhaling her sweet aroma. Caramel, like her hair, sweet but not too sickly. And then there was a floral element. Roses. Delicate red roses.

_Devine._

Venom pooled in my mouth. Never before had a human been so appealing to me.

Closing my eyes, I moved down her neck, taking in her sweet scent one last time, my cheek caressed her jugular. I hovered there for a moment before opening my mouth and placing my lips against her skin, my tongue tracing the vein there.

"I'm sorry," I murmured to her.

My sharp teeth sliced through her soft flesh as though it were butter. I could taste her. Her blood mixed with the venom in my mouth. I allowed just a drop to slip down my throat. It shocked me that her blood was still pleasantly warm.

Her eyes snapped open and she screamed. I placed my hands firmly on either side of her head, holding her down. I whispered quickly to her, "I'm so sorry, Esme. The pain...it won't last for long." I could not bring myself to tell her that she would be writing in pain for three whole days. At least she would not be alone. I promised her that I would stay there, right by her side until the end.

I bit down again, more firmly, pulling her close to me as I pumped my venom into her neck, allowing it to enter her body and start to work its magic – if one could look at it from that perspective, transforming her into a soulless demon like myself.

I wished that I could have dulled the pain for her. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut, her fists clenched into balls, her long fingernails cutting into the palms of her hands during the first day of her transformation. During the second day, she began to change. Her skin started to harden, like marble.

Edward would come and check in from time to time. Asking me if I would like to hunt. He had even offered to stay with Esme so that she would not be alone. I graciously declined his offer, remembering my promise to her that I would not leave her.

I had been alone. My father was an Anglican pastor in England and I assisted him in his fight against vampires and demons. So when the change started for me, I knew what was happening. I had buried myself in a pile of rotting vegetables in a cellar, where no one could hear my screams until I awoke into my new _undead _life. Yes, I had been afraid. _Terrified_ in fact. But I _knew_ what I wanted to be. I knew that I did not want to feed off humans. I _knew_ that I was not evil and, most definitely, not a cold blooded murderer like the scourges my father had set out to rid the earth of.

On the third day, her screams became louder. I held onto her hand and whispered to her gently, telling her all about myself. About how we'd met before. I told her that I would be amazed if she recognized me; how that I had recognized her when I found her. I explained to Esme how drawn I was to her, and how I felt that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on in my two centuries on this earth.

Her writhing and moans lessened eventually, and her heart thudded, picking up speed. I counted almost two hundred beats in its final minute...the muscle working overtime before it came to a sudden stop.

Then nothing.

Silence.

So still.

Her eyes flew open and she cried out, jumping to her feet and throwing herself into the wall, backing up so that she was in the corner. She snarled, then she gasped; no doubt in shock from the sound which had just resonated from her throat.

My beautiful Esme cowered, gazing up at me, looking utterly terrified. Newborn vampires were incredibly strong. Far stronger than I. She would be perfectly capable of tearing my throat out, had that been her desire.

"You are stunning," I told her quietly. I raised my hands in front of my body, hoping to portray to her that I meant her no harm.

Her hands flew to her head and clammed around her ears. It wasn't surprising that she found her new hearing intense. Everything would be so crystal clear to her now. Everything which moved would have a precise, specific sound and tone. Everything from a drop of dew falling from a tree to the sounds of a young elk pacing slowly through the forest. All of the noises, combined with an incredible sense of smell would send one's mind and body into overload.

Esme snarled once again, her red eyes gleaming at me. She didn't move from her spot, still cowering on the floor of the empty bedroom.

"I… I know you."

Her voice! It was as though she were singing. Pristine. Clear. A perfect melody.

I smiled and nodded gently. "We have met Esme –" I began, before she growled again and cut me off.

"What have you done to me?"

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I have at least another five chapters outlined... Chapter 3 is almost complete. But it wont be the HEA you know we will get for a while. Poor Esme will have a lot do deal with.

Like this story? Please leave me some love. I love to know what you are all thinking, and I had LOADS of hits on the first chapter.

Follow me on Twitter for updates on this story and my lemony oneshot will is coming soon... EternallyCullen


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer not me. *sniff*.

**Authors Notes:**

Sending out all the love to my wonderfully superb wonder-beta – LisaDawn75, who's knowledge of the English language makes my story legible to all those who can read. She makes my chapters less boring by helping me to use bigger words.

Also uber thanks to my Twilighted Validation Beta: Dr_Twilight_PharmD

Reviews are like Robsten kisses on the 2010 MTV Movie awards. It happened. Deal with it. Haters to the left please. Robsten is REAL.

**Chapter 3**

_**Esme POV:**_

I didn't recall how long I fell before I hit the water; nor did I remember feeling any pain – there was...nothing. It was as if my body was not my own, yet I could hear everything – from the crashing of the waves to the sound of the ocean stroking the shore where my body came to rest at the coastline.

I had no idea how long I was there before I was found. The voices were male...fishermen, I thought. I must have looked a fright because I could hear them talking about me, and it was a while before they came closer.

Apparently, I was dead. _It must have been a tragic accident. Had I fallen or merely just drowned?_ They spoke amongst themselves in an attempt to figure out what had happened to me. No doubt the news of the men's gruesome discovery would be the hot topic of the gossips in the small town within a few hours.

After that, everything just seemed like a blur.

I kept thinking that I was stuck in between two places...purgatory, perhaps? I _longed_ to see William again. I needed to kiss his soft cheeks and tell him that everything was going to be fine – that he and I would be together forever.

Or, perhaps I was in Hell? Because of my sins, God was keeping me here, blind and paralyzed, where I would never see my son again. I would have to deal with the ache in my heart for eternity.

I willed myself to block everything out, and I concentrated on my mind control. I thought that it could be a test – possibly the Lord was challenging me so that I that could repent of my sins and earn my place in Heaven with my son.

I managed to shut everything out and the voices around me vanished; the darkness was peaceful. I filled my head with my son's perfect face...his soft baby features. I imagined what he would look like as he grew older, his eyes bright with excitement as we took walks on the beach and rode on the train. I pictured the way he pouted in his sleep, snoring gently as I stroked his caramel hair.

My thoughts were suddenly shattered by the feeling of a sharp, piercing pain. I felt my whole body snap back to life. There was something holding me down, hands at my head, whispering to me, only I couldn't make out the words.

And, without warning, I could feel burning. Everywhere.

Abruptly, it felt as though my body were on fire. The blood pumping through my veins seemed as though it had been replaced by flames. Starting at my neck and quickly licking their way down until every single inch of me was ablaze.

_So hot…Oh God, please make it stop. It hurts. _

I felt myself arch into the air, my body rigid, straining against the pain as a strong force held me down. I screamed, but I could not hear my own cries, just the gentle jumbled whisper of a deep voice in my ear.

I knew what was happening to me. I had not been forgiven. The Lord had made his decision, and I was aflame because I had been thrown into the fiery pits of Hell where I would remain forever.

I don't know how long I writhed and screamed in agony. Counting the seconds did not seem important to me. Why count when you know that you will be suffering endlessly? After a while, however, the pain lessened. The flames remained, mainly in my chest, and I could not move my limbs, but everything around me seemed clearer. Sounds...I could hear the wind. The trees. A voice.

A sweet, deep and soothing male voice. He was talking gently, telling a story about how a man met a woman one day. He was a doctor and the girl had fallen from a tree when larking around with her friends. She had been sixteen years old. Beautiful.

The voice spoke of how he loved her, but nothing could be done because of what kind of person he was.

He said my name – it was me. I was the girl who had fallen. He knew me. Perhaps he was an angel? But why would an angel be in Hell?

I concentrated on the sound of the sweet, melodic voice when the burning once again intensified; the pain in my chest was unbearable and I was again paralyzed, unable to move. I felt my heart thump within my chest, faster and faster, louder and louder. The thrumming was almost deafening. I was unable to count the beats; I only knew that it wasn't right. Too fast. _Far too fast._ I could not breathe, could not cry out.

And then...nothing.

The thrumming of my most vital organ stopped – dead.

I heard a loud, sharp intake of breath and I opened my eyes. Everything was so bright...so intense. The sounds. The wind outside...motor cars...hooves...everything was ringing in my ears. I leapt to my feet and flung myself into the corner of the bare, bright room, startled beyond belief at the speed at which I moved.

I noticed a new burning in my throat. A need for..._something_.

I clapped my hands to my ears, willing the noise to hush. It didn't.

I wanted to cry. What was _wrong_ with me? Where was my son? My mouth opened and the most terrifying sound came out. Deep, low and monstrous. A growl.

There was a creak in the floorboards, causing me to snap my head up.

A beautiful blond man stood before me. He smiled gently and raised his hands out in front of him as he took a slow step towards me. I took a step back, my shoulder coming into contact with the wall, causing it to crack, dust appearing from the rafters.

"You are stunning," he said quietly. I recognized the voice from my time in the darkness.

He was the one who was stunning – tall, well-built with pale skin and the most beautiful amber colored eyes. He smelled like honeysuckle and the ocean. He was so familiar to me. We had met before, of that I was certain.

"I...I know you," I managed to say. My voice sounded so different...smoother, softer and without fault. I didn't sound like me.

The man nodded. "We have met, Esme–"he began.

Another demonic growl escaped my throat as I looked at the beautiful man before me. "What have you done to me?" I demanded, suddenly feeling confidant, despite my fear. It must have been him. Where was I?

I looked around the simple room, trying to find something familiar, but...nothing. _William...where is William? I can't see him! I need him, please, God, please let me have him!_

I couldn't see William anywhere. This _was_ Hell. I would never see my son again. _I should be dead...but I'm not. I thought this was over. I _jumped_. _

The man stopped and lowered his hands, placing them gently at his sides. He smiled at me once again, but he looked unhappy.

"You remember me, Esme. We have met before."

His voice was almost hypnotizing. I felt drawn to it. I felt like a fish. I'd caught his bait and now he was just reeling me in. It was as though I had no control.

"Ten years ago, you were just a girl. You fell–"he continued.

Then it hit me. This indeed was the whispering angel. He was here with me. And I remembered _him_. He was a doctor, ten years ago. The girl in the story was _me_.

"Doctor Cullen," my new voice said. The man nodded solemnly.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

I studied his face for a moment. He looked exactly as I remembered him from that day in the doctor's office ten years ago. This was precisely the same man who had cared for me and carefully put my broken leg in a cast. The man whom I had thought about in my dreams for years after that day. "You-you...look the same," I managed to get out.

Carlisle nodded again and inhaled gently. "And I will forever, Esme. And you will now, also."

What on earth did he mean?

I must have looked confused as Carlisle tentatively took another small step towards me. I couldn't back away any further, so I balled my hands into fists behind my back, trying to calm myself.

There was a tap at the door – and although I knew that it was meant to be a soft knock, the sound bounced around inside my ears. It was almost deafening.

Carlisle didn't respond to the knock, so I was surprised when a tall boy entered the room. He had lovely copper-colored hair and eyes like bright amber, very much like Carlisle's. I'd never seen eyes that color before, so to see two sets of them looking at me was a strange experience, to say the least.

The boy looked at me, smiled kindly, and he reached out towards Carlisle, placing a hand on his back. It was as if they were having a private conversation between themselves.

My throat was burning, and it was getting worse by the minute. I swallowed, trying to ease it off, but it just made the searing pain more intense. My shaking hands found my throat. I wanted to scratch it, rip it out and make the flames go away.

"You are thirsty, Esme, your body is craving blood. It will get easier, I promise," Carlisle said. He was so softly spoken.

I looked quickly between the man and the boy in front of me. They were both insanely attractive. Why was I here with _them_? It just did not make sense to me.

"Esme, this is Edward Masen. He is like us, too," he said, as he gestured to the boy.

Edward nodded and gave me a small but slightly crooked smile. He nodded his head once, almost like a small bow. "I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Esme," he said. He seemed like such a gentleman. He studied me closely, and I felt uncomfortable. He must have sensed it because he looked away.

Edward spoke up once again. His words caused me to snap my head up and look right into those strange-colored eyes. "Esme, I don't mean to pry...but who is William?"

_How did he know? _


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer.

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**A/N: **Yes, I know. I suck for taking so long with this chapter. I'm sorry. I've had a lot on in the past month, with managing to smash up my husbands car; my princess turned three and then just general life stuff. I might also be working on something else... But I am not planning on stopping this story yet.

It will be a short wait for the next chapter – But not a month like this has been. I fly out from London to Phoenix on Tuesday to attend the midnight IMAX premier of Eclipse and the "Fire and Ice" Launch Party in Surpise, Az.

Hope you enjoy the chapter – I was a little nervous about it; being from Edward's perspective. But I hope I've done him justice. If you like it, please leave me a little note. You don't have to register as I accept anon reviews. I like to know what you are all thinking.

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**Chapter 4**

_**Edward: **_

She had awoken to her new life. Esme's transformation was complete. I would have very much liked to have been there alongside Carlisle. I had yet to witness the whole process in my three short years of being a vampire. It interested me.

At that point I still did not have the understanding of whom, or what I was – or even what I wanted to be. Carlisle never forced me to stay with him, nor did he insist that I have the same diet as he did. No. That was my choice: To be good.

During her change, I could see images of Esme. Her thoughts. She held a tiny baby in her arms. Then he was a small boy, who grew into a young man. I was unable to _hear _what was going on inside her head. But the imagery was quite extraordinary. Almost dream like.

I saw in her head images of herself as a young girl, and then with Carlisle, he was tending to her injury – a broken leg; his expert hands casting her limb. I heard Carlisle's soft voice in her thoughts; whispering to her, telling her the story of how they had previously met. She could hear him, and she was remembering. I hoped that this would make things easier for her when she awoke to her new _life_.

Carlisle deserved to have someone; He had been so good to me. I knew sometimes I could be ungrateful for the new life he had given me. He'd made a promise to my mother that he would keep me safe; so he did in the only way he could. I hoped that Esme would feel the same way.

I heard her first movements after her heart came to a complete stop. She was afraid and she did not quite know what was happening. She had been hoping that she had reached heaven.

Her thoughts started moving at a mile a minute; firstly she was trying to comprehend the smells, the sounds, the brightness of all the new surroundings – much like I remembered doing after I awoke. She was confused at the pain of the burning in her throat and mouth. I wondered how she would cope with the thirst.

I saw the face of the tiny baby in her mind again.

"_William… Where is William, I can't see him. I need him, please, God, please let me have him." _She thought. More images flew through her head. The infant struggling for oxygen and trying to cry out. Esme weeping and having to hand the baby over to a nurse. She watched him being carried off, away from her. Then I saw her jump. Through her eyes, I could see the earth falling away beneath her as she crashed into the waves.

Oh no….

Her baby had died. She had tried to end her own life to be with him.

"_Where am I? I should be dead… But I'm not… I thought this was over. I jumped"_

Her thoughts were frantic. Poor Esme. My stone heart broke for her. Esme was a mother and she had lost her son.

I made my way up the stairs and quietly tapped on the door. I waited for Carlisle to respond. I didn't want to pry, but I was certain that Carlisle didn't know what had happened to Esme before he found her. He couldn't have. I was certain that if he was aware of her pain, and her loss, that he would have left her be.

In his mind, my creator asked me to enter. I did so quietly and slowly, not wanting to aggravate Esme who was clearly distraught. Newborn vampires are very volatile.

I gave Esme a nod and looked at Carlisle. I did not want to tell him, but I knew I had to.

I felt out of respect to both Esme and Carlisle, I could not tell him exactly what I had learnt from her thoughts. This was no doubt a very sensitive issue for Esme, and it was not my story to share. I hoped that perhaps coaxing the information out of her might work. I honestly did not want to intrude. But I felt a pull towards this poor woman; not in the same way Carlisle had. But there was something there, something which made me want to wrap my arms around her.

It was a strange feeling; I was not one for close contact with others, but with Esme, it seemed different; It was as though there was something drawing me to her - she was special.

I placed a hand on Carlisle's shoulder and then turned my attention once again to Esme. Her red eyes were so bright. Her hand moved to her throat, stroking it gently. Perhaps she had thought that doing so would ease the burning.

"You're thirsty Esme – your body is craving blood. It will get easier, I promise" Carlisle said softly to her.

Her eyes darted to and from myself and Carlisle, taking us both in. Carlisle introduced me to her. "I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Esme" I told her, nodding my head towards her as a mark of respect. My parents had brought me up very well, teaching me that I was to be polite and respectful to ladies. Even as a vampire, I carried this with me.

Esme had not said a word, her eyes still frantic. In her mind she was still begging for her son and for entry into heaven.

"Esme, I don't mean to pry… But who is William?" I gently inquired, taking a slow step towards her. I felt this was the only way to break the ice – so that Carlisle could learn about the tragic things which had happened during her life.

Carlisle placed a firm hand on my wrist, I looked at him;

"_William? Who is William? Please don't tell me she is married?"_ he thought. I was about to speak, when Esme spoke up.

"He's… my son" she whispered. Her eyes shut tightly, as though she were trying to blink away the tears that no longer existed in her body. I didn't need to read her thoughts to know that she was utterly devastated.

I nodded once again, and averting my eyes very quickly to Carlisle, who had suddenly tensed up beside us.

"What happened to him?" I questioned. Of course I knew full well how her story ended, but Carlisle needed to hear it; even though I hated to cause the wonderful man any sort of pain.

"He… He died" she whispered, her voice cracking towards the end of her sentence. She sobbed loudly, her hand clasping her mouth. "I wanted to die too".

Her mood changed suddenly and she leapt into a crouching position, her hands placed in front of her. She snarled and looked at Carlisle and myself.

She laughed very suddenly, almost hysterically. "I should be _dead_. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with my son!" her voice shrill.

Carlisle backed away, into the wall. "Oh, dear Lord, please forgive me, I had no idea… Oh, Esme"

He looked horrified; his amber eyes turned a few shades darker. His hands found his temples.

Carlisle carefully approached Esme. She was still crouched low, holding her defensive stance. She snarled as he cautiously dropped to his knees, just a mere foot away from her. He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her.

Esme had no plans to attack him. Her hands were trembling as she watched him, and she refused to make eye contact.

"Esme?" He looked at her imploringly. "I had no idea. I am so very sorry. If I had known what you intended, I would have never have given you this life."

"Please just tell me this is all baloney?" she whispered, not to either of us in particular, it sounded as though she were trying to convince herself that this was all just a horrific nightmare.

"Tell me that this isn't happening, that it is all just one crazy dream, and that when I wake up…" she trailed off and dry-sobbed again.

"I wish I could tell you it were like that, my sweet Esme… I did not know you had anyone. I _stole_ your body from the hospital and brought you here. The hospital notes said that they could not trace any family, nor had anyone of your description been reported missing. Your husband must be worried sick… And I just _took _you!"

My creator gripped at the side of his head once again. I pinched the bridge of my nose a little harder than I should have done, wincing slightly as Carlisle begged God for forgiveness in his head.

Esme inhaled sharply at the mention of her husband. "I have no husband. I left him when I discovered I was pregnant."

Anger boiled up within me as images flashed to me of a man, towering over Esme, taking his boot, his fists and his belt to her and shoving her backwards down onto the bed, ripping her clothing. I growled, causing her to jump. Her _husband, _the man whom she had married, the man who promised to love her, protect her… He had abused her. Beat her; and no doubt much worse.

"The bastard attacked you," I muttered under my breath.

Carlisle flinched. His hand gently coming into contact with Esme's. She was still shaking, yet she did not pull away from him.

"For years," she confirmed. "I was afraid that if he got angry with me, he'd harm our child. So I ran… I have nobody. I was supposed to have William. It was meant to be perfect. But he was taken from me." It was clear that Esme was struggling to tell us her tale.

Carlisle ran his thumb across her knuckles. "We won't harm you – I promise. I am just profusely sorry, Esme. You deserve so much better. You should have been loved and cherished in your life- not abused and forced to run. And your son… My words alone just cannot express… What happened? What was the cause?" he queried.

Esme's eyes fluttered closed momentarily and she let out a shaky breath. She was still quivering slightly, but I had noticed that since Carlisle had touched her, she seemed to have relaxed a little.

"He was fine" she whispered, looking at Carlisle. "I had him for four precious, wonderful days. Then he got sick. It was all just so… so sudden. He wouldn't feed, and then he struggled to breathe."

Esme was thinking back to the moments when William was struggling to nurse, she was trying him in different positions, thinking that perhaps she was feeding him wrong. His little head shook from side to side franticly, searching for her sweet milk. Then she thought of him trying so hard to cry. He could not catch his breath and his tiny lips were blue. These terrible pictures were so clear in her mind. Many vampires tend not to have such a vivid set of memories regarding their previous lives. Some things stick out, and you can remember certain aspects. But much of the time its not crystal clear. I could only assume that this was such a significant event in Esme's life that she, sadly, would have to carry these horrid memories around with her forever.

"I took him to the hospital and they told me that he wasn't going to make it. Pneumonia, they told me. They were right," she whimpered. "Two hours later he was gone."

Carlisle nodded and squeezed her hand gently. "The world is such a cruel place, I am so sorry."

Esme looked down at their hands, his much larger than hers. He slowly reached out and took her other hand, looking into her eyes. "I hope you can find some way to forgive me for what I have done to you," he muttered quietly.

"So… I am a vampire?" she whispered; looking right at him.

Esme's mind was working overtime. I had to turn my head away for a moment to cover the smirk on my face when she thought about burly and angry men chasing her along a country track holding crucifixes with a string of garlic around their necks. Some of the men had long, carved wooden stakes tucked in their belts. Oh, if only they knew.

Carlisle didn't respond.

"You… I… drink… _blood!_" It wasn't a question; more of a statement. The word blood was whispered under her breath whilst she was trying to figure things out.

"Not human blood, Esme – Edward and I only feed from animals. We don't want to be monsters. We try to live as normal a _life _as possible and try to fit in."

I was impressed with how well Esme was taking the _news. S_he didn't seem afraid, and she was thinking that she was glad that she would not be required to kill a person purely for her sustenance For a newborn vampire, she seemed to hold a great deal of compassion and love in her heart. I knew that she was the perfect match for Carlisle. Their minds were so alike.

"You feel the burning in your throat?" I offered quietly.

Esme nodded and swallowed, wincing a little. "Yes, it's most uncomfortable," she confirmed.

"We need to find you something, Esme. You need to feed. The burning is from thirst" Carlisle told her, slowly standing up and helping Esme to her feet.

They were incredibly lucky that the sun had set hours ago. There would now be very few; if any people around to get in the way. If Esme caught the scent of human blood she would be out of control; Carlisle would not be able to hold her back.

"Would you care to join us Edward?" Carlisle asked me.

I shook my head. "I hunted last night. Take care of Esme now," I told him, thinking that he might like to be alone with her.

_If you're sure, son, you are more than welcome. _He thought to me. I merely smiled and shook my head. "I'm fine, honestly, but I will listen out for you. If you run into any problems, I am here"

_Thank you, Edward. We will not go far, and we should be safe this time of the night. But I appreciate you helping, should we need it. _

Patting Carlisle on the shoulder, I nodded once again before turning to Esme and smiling brightly at her. I liked this woman. I hoped that she would want to stay with us and live the life we led Carlisle had very strong feelings towards her already, and from what I could read of Esme, she didn't dislike my creator. They indeed had the potential to make one another very happy.

"I hope you enjoy your first hunt, Esme," I said politely. "I will see you soon, I hope."

And with that, I left the room. I went back downstairs, grabbing some fresh paper, before setting it down by my piano.

I chuckled to myself and shook my head. We could be in for an interesting ride.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie.

**Authors Notes: **Many thanks to my beta, LisaDawn75 who makes me look clever - You should add her to your favourite authors, because as well as her great story, Deliver us from Evil, she has a new and very exciting fiction coming soon. I for one can't wait to read it.

Also super huge thanks to my lovely muse and friend shell371 who kicks me up the arse and makes me write. I am lucky enough to live literally around the corner from this lady and she is pretty much the biggest Twilight fan I know – other than myself and sticks up for me and the fandom. Mwah.

Massive congrats to all those authors and bidders who took part in _The Fandom Gives Back_. $140,000 – That's mad, but so amazing. It goes to show what a close and generous fandom this "Twilight thing" (as my husband calls it) is.

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**Chapter 5**

**Carlisle POV**

Throughout the first and second months of Esme's new life, hunting was a daily necessity. We would go in the middle of the night when it was less likely that we would come into contact with any unfortunate residents of our town. Edward would occasionally accompany us.

As the early days passed, I watched Esme begin to come to terms with the life I had dammed her with. She had even begun to laugh and joke with Edward and myself. She had the most stunning smile. Her head would cock to the side slightly and all of her brilliant white teeth would be on display. Sometimes, however, she would remember herself, and she'd withdraw once again. There were some occasions where she would not talk to either Edward or me for days. We would be graced with just a simple nod when we asked her if she would like to hunt – we both knew that was only out of politeness.

Edward stayed at home with Esme whilst I went to work at the hospital. He admitted to me that much of the time, she would stand alone in the upstairs quarters of the house where her change had taken place. He told me that he found it strange that she would stare out of the window – as still as stone. Sometimes her mind would be racing with her fuzzy human memories of her son, whereas sometimes, it would be completely blank, like she wasn't there at all.

Edward told me not to be concerned about it even though it was peculiar. He recalled that during the three painful days of her transformation that Esme had tried to focus on blocking everything out. With the way her mind worked, Edward was certain that's what she was doing – clearing a space. Perhaps she did not want her thoughts to be heard.

Esme was an excellent hunter – being predators, this came naturally to us – but Esme was just so graceful. I would find myself watching her closely – not because I was afraid she would go off course and find some_one _a little more appetizing than a small heard of game – because I loved the way she looked when she spotted her prey. She would appear to fall into her own world, her mind set on what she wanted – what was hers. She would run for the beast. She was so quiet yet so agile and fast. The poor animal would not stand a chance. He would not know what was coming until it was too late, and Esme would leap upon his back and swiftly snap his neck before draining him dry.

Sometimes she would catch me watching her from a short distance, and she would crouch protectively over her kill, teeth barred and low growls resonating from her throat. I would nod and back off just a little. She would carry on, not spilling a drop of her meal nor soiling her clothing. I found her so breathtakingly amazing. I felt myself being drawn to her even more. The pull was so strong, and I knew that she was the one for me.

I could not tell her the way I felt, so I would tell her every single day just how special she was – how amazing – and, once again, how sorry I was for making her this way. She never told me she hated me for it, and for that, I was grateful.

The third month after her change, we began to talk a lot more as Esme started to open up to me. She told me about William and her fight to keep him safe. She gave me the most intimate details of her life along with the sick and cruel things that her husband, Charles, had done to her. It was no wonder my precious Esme had wanted to escape.

I had never wanted to harm a human until that day. I even considered for a moment, tracking down Charles Evenson in his home and killing him in the most inhumane ways possible. I wanted to torture him for what he had done to Esme. He should have known what it was like to live in fear.

Esme explained to me that the day her son was born was the single, most perfect day of her life. She'd always yearned to become a mother, and, although she had been terrified of bringing up a baby as a single mother, she had been ready to do so.

She had not told anyone in Ashford about her real husband. Because she had run away, she was living the lie that she was a widow of the war. This had been working out for her very well, and she had even managed to make a few friends from the home she lived in and through her job as a teacher.

The week in which William had been born into her world was the best – and then the worst. She told me through dry sobs that he had been suddenly stolen from her. She even considered that God was punishing her for leaving Charles when all she had wanted to do was to protect her son. She questioned her actions constantly, trying to give rhyme and reason as to why she had to lose the most precious thing in her life.

I thanked her for telling me her tale and promised her that as long as she stayed with Edward and me that no harm would come to her. I explained to her that I was born in a time when women were respected and treasured, and Edward had the same respect for women as I did. Esme told me that she was grateful for that and that she knew that we would not cause her any intentional discomfort.

One day, there was a timid knock at the door of my study. Of course, I knew it was Esme. I could smell her precious scent from miles away because she sang to me.

"Please, come in, Esme," I called out softly to her. She entered the room and took a seat on one of the plush arm chairs to the left of my bureau.

I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs, waiting for her to speak. She inhaled a long and unnecessary breath and looked up at me. "I want to talk to you about the night you found me." Her voice was barely a whisper.

I nodded for her to go on.

"I know that I have told you things...about the things that happened to me...about William. But I never really explained how I _felt_. It all keeps coming back to me. The memories were so vague at first, Carlisle, but whenever I stop for a moment, it's almost as though I'm back there again."

She sobbed quietly, and I leaned forward and pulled my chair a little closer to hers before resting my elbows on my knees. My eyes never left hers, making her aware that she had my undivided attention.

Her eyes closed briefly, and my beautiful Esme took in a sharp breath. She looked as though she was in so much pain. "It was so windy, and the cold air sent chills down my spine. I felt dizzy from looking over the edge, but my life was over. I knew that I could not go on without William because I had nothing left to live for. I had a feeling that it was only a matter of time before I was discovered and sent back home. I feared that my parents would tell me that I had disgraced the whole family with my antics. They were not aware of the abuse. I tried talking to my mother but she told me that perhaps I wasn't being a good wife."

Her eyes were shut, and she shuddered. I wanted to reach out for her but didn't. She was obviously running through some terrible memories in her mind.

"I could feel the pain as soon as I hit the water. It was a long drop, perhaps two hundred and fifty feet. It was so cold, and I think I hit feet first. I wasn't dead."

Her hand gripped on the covered arm of her seat, and her stone fingers tore into the velvet, crushing into the wooden frame below it, causing it to splinter. She didn't seem to notice.

"I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't move, yet I knew I was alive. I could not understand why the fall didn't kill me. I felt the waves crash over me, pulling me into the icy depths of the black water. I can recall coming to rest on the shore. I don't know how long I had been in the water. It was as though time had come to a standstill. The only things that had been running through my mind were William and the reasons as to why I was still alive. I soon became aware of voices around me. They were concerned about something. It was muffled, but I soon realised that they had found me. _They_ said I was dead, so I came to the conclusion that I was, and that God was punishing me for taking my life into my own hands. I thought I would spend eternity on this earth as I was. Not seeing, only feeling and hearing.

"I was able to block things out. I found that I could silence everything else if I just concentrated on William's beautiful face. That nothing else would matter."

She clasped her hand to her mouth as another sob escaped. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut, and she shook her head fiercely as if she were trying to rid herself of the images that were plaguing her mind.

I quietly reached out for her, not wanting to startle her in anyway. Esme was opening up to me in ways I had only dreamed of. She had come to _me _to talk. My cool hand found her own, and I rested it gently upon hers. Esme's eyes opened slowly. She didn't flinch away from me as I had expected.

"I don't remember going to the hospital. I only remember the sound of your voice, Carlisle. I knew it was familiar to me. At the time, I could not place where I had met you before. I only remembered you when the burning began. I remembered everything about you. Your doctor's office, the way you cast my leg, so gently. The way you smelled. _Everything" _

I smiled at her. Esme's eyes never left mine as she spoke. "You woke me," she finished.

That was also the day when she told me that she trusted me.

We had been discussing the previous days hunt and the fact that Esme wasn't finding it as necessary to hunt so regularly. Her thirst was easier to quench now that she was half way through her newborn phase, and we agreed to hunt together on every third day. She had reached out and clasped my hand for the first time. It was the first time that she had willingly touched me – the feel of her skin on mine was electric. I hoped that she felt it too.

"I trust you, Carlisle," she whispered to me. "I trust your judgement, and I know that you will keep me from causing any problems."

I was elated. She squeezed my hand gently and smiled at me, her slowly changing eyes almost sparkling as she gazed deep into my own. "Thank you, Esme. You do _not_ know what it means to me to hear you say that." I smiled back at her.

I heard Edward attempt to stifle a chuckle from his usual spot at his piano in the room below us. He obviously found something in one of our minds amusing. He would not share what he had learnt with me, however. He would just shake his head and tell me, "All in good time, Carlisle...all in good time." I found it very frustrating.

As she opened up more, Esme would ask me about my life – who I was before, about my father and his vision of ridding the world of all the monsters and demons and, of course, why I chose not to kill. She listened and nodded when I explained to her that I did not pick this way of life – that none of us did – but that I did not want to be a cold-blooded killer, and that I still felt so much humanity.

Esme told me that she felt the same way, that she planned on keeping to our _diet, _and that she would never forgive herself if she was to feed off a human. She also told me that she realised what she was but knew, like both Edward and I, that she did not have to be evil. She said she was prepared to do everything she could to be _good. _

She really was amazing.

Over the months that followed we slowly became closer. There was not one thing I had not told her about myself. I was open to her, and she knew everything. She continued to confide in me, also. I hoped that she had told me everything she remembered about her life. I wanted to know her inside and out.

Innocent touches to hands and shoulders turned into gently holding one another by the fireplace in our home. She liked it when I brushed the hair out of her face. We would gaze nervously at one another and drink in each others scents. I was so in love with her that I had a gaping hole in my chest which was only filled when we were in the same room as each other.

It was her six month _birthday _when she allowed me to kiss her.

It was nightfall, and we had hunted together. Esme had reached the stage where we could hunt alongside one another, and she didn't feel threatened by my presence. Wild boar had been on the menu, and she managed two. I had three. Esme had assisted me on disposing of the dead creatures' carcasses.

We piled the topsoil back over and began to recover the woodland ground with the fallen leaves of autumn. Her hand brushed against mine and lingered there before she slowly took in a breath and entwined her delicate fingers with my own, both of our hands dirty from the soil. Her gaze met mine and she smiled shyly, her tongue darting out of her mouth and moistening her lips. I glanced down at her delectable lips and did the same. Oh, how I longed to taste her!

On my knees, I moved closer to her and, with my other hand, pushed her hair back and behind her ear. My eyes met hers once again, and I slowly leaned my head towards her. She didn't move away.

"Esme," I whispered to her, so low that no human being would have known I'd said anything. "May I please kiss you?"

She smiled slightly and leaned her head closer to mine, inhaling deeply. Our lips were barely two inches apart. I was surrounded by Esme and nothing else in that moment mattered to me.

"Please," she rasped. "I have wanted you to kiss me for weeks, Carlisle."

I didn't need to ask her again. As my lips finally, after all those long months, met hers, my whole body hummed happily. A warmth that I had never felt before seemed as though it were spreading through me, replacing the icy venom that flowed within my dead veins.

Our kiss started off soft. Lips caressing lips, her hands placed gently upon my shoulders and my own softly cupping around her perfect, heart-shaped face. I felt her open her mouth against mine, inviting me in. I hesitantly pressed just the tip of my tongue between her plump lips and tasted her. She was exactly how I had dreamed. She was sweeter than any blood I had ever tasted – more perfect than anything I had ever drunk or even considered.

Her tongue eagerly met mine, and her hands became heavier on my shoulders as she pulled herself closer to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, her fingers winding their way into my hair.

It was as though our mouths were dancing together – tongues fighting for dominance and invading one another's territory. She moved herself closer still, and I found her straddling my lap. Never before had a woman been so physically close to me, and I never wanted her to move. It pleased me that she dared to be so bold. That, I had not expected.

I hated to break it off and, although neither of us needed oxygen, I pulled away and rested my forehead against hers, both of us panting. "Esme, I feel so strongly for you...I don't mean to be so forward, but I am irrevocably in love with you. I have been since the moment I set eyes on you when you were just a girl. I feel that you are my singer – my _one_. You have my complete and utter devotion, my darling," I told her, closing my eyes towards the end. I was ready for her to pull away from me, telling me that I had gone too far. I was ready to be rejected.

I heard her sigh gently and then her hands came slowly into contact with my face. Her thumbs pressed small circles into my marble skin; I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"Carlisle," she began. She was smiling at me, her eyes glassy. "I was afraid that you didn't feel that way. I was worried that you thought that you had made the wrong choice in changing me –"

"Never!" I suddenly cut her off. She smiled at me once again, her thumbs moving to the creases by the corners of my eyes.

"Good," she continued. "Because I feel such a connection between us. I can't stop these feelings, but I love you too, and I want to spend eternity with you," she whispered.

I grinned at her and leaned in and kissed her once again but just for a second before mirroring the way in which she was holding me. "I will never let you go, my Esme," I swore to her.

I don't know how long we knelt on the ground together, holding each other. I was the happiest being on the planet and time meant nothing. But I knew that it would not be long until the sun came up.

I told her that we should leave to go home, and that, no doubt, Edward would be concerned as to our whereabouts as we usually only spent a couple of hours hunting together – not an entire night. But Edward was a bright young man, and he would know that everything was working out. He would hear my happy thoughts screaming within my head once we came into a closer proximity to our home. My beautiful Esme agreed, and we walked at human pace through the woods and back to the house.

Everything was beginning to become perfect. I loved her and she loved me.

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After each chapter I am going to make a story recomendation for you all; as I read a lot of wonderful fanfiction and I would like to share it with you all. This week I am LOVING "Moving Pictures" by breakfastatbella's - It's a beautiful AH story, wonderful characters, some great lemons and a nice touch of agnst. www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5925609/1/ please do check it out. You can even follow the ladies on Twitter (at)brkfastatbellas.

Next week in the spotlight will be "Seasons of Change" by the beautiful BeccieT.

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Please follow me on Twitter for story updates and teasers. (at)EternallyCullen. We also have a thread in the "Pre-Twilight" section on the Twilighted Forums.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer.

Huge thank as always to my wonderful beta-extraordinaire **LisaDawn75 – **she makes me look far more intelligent than I am and knows how to use comma's correctly.

Also a massive thanks and lots of hugs to my two pre-readers for this chapter, one of which is my favourite authors **jmolly **(you MUST read her series "The Unforeseen Events" – You can find her in my favourites) and of course **shell371 **who pushes me to write more and even comes to my house with wine in an effort to spur me on.

Also a huge shout out to some special ladies who have supported me in this story so much – **Lauren, Cath and Debbie. **This chapter is dedicated to Lauren - I'm shall be thinking of you and your family on Sunday when you remember your beautiful son Dylan on his 2nd birthday in heaven.

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**Chapter 6 **

**Esme POV**

Time didn't seem to matter when you had forever to live. It did not matter to me whether it was day or night because it was just empty minutes and hours. I had ceased to age and very little posed a danger to me. It felt strange at first to not have to worry about getting sick or about food being spoiled. I began to find it very simple to just exist.

I liked to hunt very much. It was one of the only times where my thoughts did not bother me. I didn't have to picture William's face to block out the horrible memories and guilt. Once I caught the scent of my prey, it was like nothing I could describe. It felt like pure adrenaline. It was as though my vision would cloud over and all I could think about was the taste along with the thickness of the blood running down my throat and satiating my thirst. I loved the warm and sloshy feeling in my stomach once I had taken my fill.

After a few months, the need to hunt lessened, and I felt that I was able to limit my hunting activities to two or three times a week. When I spoke to Carlisle, he agreed that we could try, but reminded me that he didn't want me to feel in any way uncomfortable, and that I should never be afraid to let him know if I suddenly felt the need to go out. He really was a very thoughtful man.

I felt myself being drawn towards Carlisle even more, and this terrified me. Although fuzzy since my transformation, the memories of the man to whom I had made my wedding vows were stuck in my mind. I found that if I wasn't attempting to clear my mind or concentrate, all I could see was his face leering over me. I would feel his fists and boots meeting my body with force. Charles had always ensured that he beat me in places that would not be seen by others – places which would be covered by my clothing. I would recall how it felt when I would bite down on the inside of my mouth to avoid crying out, both in fear and in pain, when his knees would pry my thighs apart and hold me open to him while he took me roughly and against my will. I had known then that there was no point in screaming or crying for help, because his beatings would just get harder. The taste of my own blood in my mouth had helped me to zone out and think about something other than my body's violation.

As the months went on, Carlisle and I grew closer. He gained my trust and talked to me everyday. Sometimes we would sit all night together, alone in one of the empty rooms in our home, and just reminisce about our previous lives – and Carlisle's long, new one. We told each other stories in return for another. I told him everything I could remember, and he looked distressed when I told him of my abusive marriage. I also talked about my love for William and my sadness that I would never again become a mother. He would then apologise to me and beg for my forgiveness. He truly was sorry for changing me. I felt that there was nothing to forgive him for, but I couldn't tell him that.

Carlisle and Edward, together, taught me a lot about their world. Edward was still fairly new to our way of life, but Carlisle had been changed around two and a half centuries prior. He knew a lot of vampires and was very well respected, even though he did not practise _traditional vampirism_. He knew that others scoffed about his choice of diet, yet this never fazed him – I think this is how he gained most of the respect others held for him.

Carlisle shared with me that he had even lived for a few decades with a very powerful coven of vampires known as the Volturi – the equivalent of royalty in our world. The elders were thousands of years old, and he had come across them when he was in Italy studying medicine. For years, the Volturi had attempted to _cure_ him of his refusal to feed off humans, so he had eventually left them to see if he could find others like himself.

I had been having minor flashbacks. I did not tell him this directly, but he knew, I was sure of that. The day in which I went to his office to discuss when he found me changed both of our undead lives forever. I knew that I could never hide anything from him again because he would know me completely.

We became very comfortable with each other. I enjoyed just being with Carlisle. He was a very thoughtful and passionate creature and, with every word he would say to me, each murmur made me fall deeper in love with him. The deeper I fell, the less afraid of the future…our future...I became.

"It's been six months today," I told him as we left one evening to hunt. Carlisle nodded and smiled; he knew. Of course he did. He remembered everything. This made me respect him so much more. It had not felt normal to me for a man to linger on my every word and to take me seriously, let alone listen. "You were right when you said it goes quickly," I continued quietly.

Carlisle stopped in his tracks for a moment and smiled down at me.

"Thank you…for everything. I know I've not thanked you enough for the past few months."

His hand reached towards me and pushed a wisp of my hair behind my ear. He shrugged. "You need not thank me for anything, Esme. It really is my pleasure. You have come so far."

We picked up our pace again. If I were able to blush, I would have. I could almost feel the venom within me at the surface, wanting to burn some color into my hard skin.

Our hunt was successful. I quickly took down two boars. I didn't care too much for swine, but it was occasionally a nice change from deer. I found the texture of their skin somewhat off putting – rough and leathery compared to the velvet soft skin of other prey. However, it was not an issue when you had teeth that were capable of crushing rock.

That night, we also shared our first kiss. It was the most romantic and passionate moment I had ever experienced. Carlisle asked permission to kiss me before he hesitantly moved in. He tasted exquisite, far better than I even anticipated. He was better than any wine I'd ever tasted as a mortal, and a thousand times better than blood. I wanted to stay there and drink him forever.

We declared our love for one another and I suddenly felt as though I'd had a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I needn't have been hiding my feelings for him because, after all this time, Carlisle had felt the same way about me. I swear, I almost felt my stone heart thud.

Carlisle still remained a complete gentleman. He understood my reluctance to enter into a physical relationship. He never brought it up nor would he push in anyway. Over the weeks that followed that night in the woods, our relationship became heated and our kisses would start to verge on something more. But every time I pushed him away, he would kiss me gently and, once again, tell me how special I was to him and how much he loved me. He never once became upset with me or asked what was wrong. I know now that he was nervous, too. He'd told me that he had never been intimate with a woman before, but it never occurred to me that he would be worried about the act. I trusted him immensely mentally, but I struggled to give myself to him physically. The thought of the act sent shivers down my spine, but I didn't know the difference between what I'd had in my human life with Charles, and what to expect from a loving and tender relationship with Carlisle...a vampire.

Carlisle was giving me everything I needed, but most importantly, he was letting me put to use the one thing that I had indefinitely: time.

However, it is said that all good things must come to an end, and I am no exception. There was one horrific day which I will remember always – the first day I lost my control.

Seven months after my transformation, my eyes had changed to a deep shade of amber and the need to hunt was much less. Sometimes, depending on the previous fill I'd taken, I could get away with only feeding every fifth day without feeling too uncomfortable. I was also much more in control of my body along with the new power and strength I'd been given as an immortal. Carlisle explained to me that I would probably now be weaker than before because I was no longer considered a newborn.

It hadn't been enough, however. He had not been able to hold me back. The scent was just too tempting and I had felt an urge that I'd never experienced before. Hunting was always a predatory task – the need would take over and all you could think about was blood. But to be on the trail of your next meal, only to pick up the scent of the most perfect a la carte dinner, was something else completely.

My vision clouded over and all I could see was red. All I could smell was the perfect aroma of their blood, and I wanted it. I _needed _it.

Because of how well I had been controlling myself, and the fact that we had never crossed paths with a human during our hunts, I had started to run when I caught the scent of my original prey with Carlisle a short distance behind me. When I picked up the newer, more powerful and tantalizing smell – which made my throat feel as though it had caught on fire – I began to run faster. Everything passed me in a blur. I heard Carlisle shout out to me to stop. I didn't. He called out again and I could hear the desperation in his voice, begging me to stop and that I would regret it.

My legs carried me until I had reached a small campsite by the river. Three small tents were set out side by side. There had been a fire going, but it now consisted of just a few golden embers. The scent of them was unbearable. Not even a second had passed before I had torn open the first tent and sunk my teeth into a large sleeping man. He screamed and tried to struggle, but, of course, he was no match for me. I drained him quickly and moved onto the next. The poor man, smaller than his camping partner, had woken when his companion cried out. He was groggy and staring at me – trying to assess the situation.

Hunched over, I stalked towards him. The man whimpered and backed up, hitting a large oak. I felt familiar hands grab me from behind and pull me back. Carlisle. He was a match for me and succeeded in pulling me back a few feet. I spun around, my eyes, once again red, glaring at him as I growled.

"Esme," he said. His voice was soft, but I could tell that he was severely panicked. "Please, stop," he murmured.

I couldn't! The smell was still screaming out to me – I couldn't control myself. The man quaking in his boots behind me became so much more appealing with the fear rolling off him.

I snapped my arms back and wriggled out of Carlisle's strong hold. He dashed forward and manoeuvred himself in front of me. He was faster than I was. His arms wrapped around me once again, tighter this time. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. I screamed out at the top of my lungs. I could not bear the burning in my throat.

Another man, much younger, stumbled out of his tent and stopped dead. He looked at Carlisle and me before spotting his dead friend. His eyes were wide and his heart started to work overtime.

Carlisle nodded to him. "My friend," he said calmly. "My friend and I were taking a midnight stroll and we heard a noise. There was a rustling and a scream. As we approached the clearing, something ran off – it could have been a wolf," he told him.

The older man, still backed up against a tree, visibly shaking, found his voice. He pointed directly at me. Carlisle hugged me closer, pulling me around to face him. I buried my head into his broad shoulder and inhaled him as much as possible, trying to drown out the aroma of the blood. It was impossible, so I just clung to Carlisle, begging him and myself not to let go.

"It... it was n-no animal. She did it," the man stuttered.

It then occurred to me what I had done. I, Esme Platt, no longer a newborn vampire, had _murdered _someone. I had tracked him down and sucked him dry because I could not control myself.

"No, my friend," Carlisle told the man, looking right into his eyes. "My lady here was merely trying to help him. He was dead when we got here. Let us take our leave and find some help. These parts of the woods can be dangerous," he said, sounding a lot more confidant than before. I knew he was silently praying that they would believe his tale. If the truth got out about our existence, then there would be problems. The Volturi did not tolerate humans knowing about our kind. It would mean instant death for both parties: the poor humans AND the vampire or vampires involved. What had I done?

Carlisle started to back off, pulling me with him, still holding me to his chest. My eyes were screwed tightly shut, willing myself to stay with him and not follow my instincts and take out the other two men.

"We will go get help. And I must get my lady home, gentlemen. I hope you understand. She has had a fright seeing your poor friend in his death." He sounded so earnest as he spoke. His voice was calm and rolled off his tongue like silk.

He pressed his cheek to mine, his lips level with my ear. I clung to him and sobbed loudly. "Shhhh, my love," he whispered. "It's almost over, I promise. I will get you through this."

When we were out of sight he swept me up and ran home. It was the first time he had carried me. It felt so close and intimate, and I felt so safe.

Edward was awaiting us on the porch when we arrived back at our home. Edward nodded to Carlisle, as they were obviously having a silent conversation with one another.

I still clung tightly to Carlisle around his shoulders. I moved my head away from the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply. The scent I craved so much had gone, and the burning had eased. Carlisle gently set me on my feet, but he kept a hold onto my hands.

"I am so, so sorry. I have disgraced you both," I whimpered, utterly ashamed of myself. I had killed one whole person more than Carlisle had. I wasn't sure about Edward and his _total_. I never asked but just assumed it was private. "I can go if you like – I completely understand."

Carlisle dropped my left hand but kept a hold of my right. He raised it up to his lips and placed a chaste kiss upon my knuckle. "Esme," he began. "It's I who should be sorry. I should have picked up their scent and stopped this from happening. You have not come into such close contact with a human before, so there was going to be no way that you would have been able to control your urges. I shall take this one for you because it's I who am to blame," he said, his amber eyes sad.

I shook my head and pulled my hand away before moving to the other end of our small living room. I looked out of the back window and into the night. Although the scent had stopped bothering me, I could feel the blood within me, warm and so much more filling. It was simply the most amazing thing I'd ever consumed, both as a human and as a vampire.

"It will get easier, I promise." Edwards's soft voice startled me. "It feels good, doesn't it?" Of course, he already knew my answer. I think he was just being kind and trying to ease my guilt.

"I've never tasted anything like it…and I never want to again," I whispered. "I just don't know what to do. I feel terrible. I _killed _an innocent man. I never dreamed that I would actually do it, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to kill the others, too. I still want to now, even though I know how disgustingly wrong and immoral it is." I turned and looked at my two male companions. They were both so good to me and tolerant, and now they both looked at me and I knew that even through the obvious sadness in their eyes, they understood entirely what I was saying.

Carlisle moved and stood behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. I relaxed into him and leaned back, closing my eyes. "I am so ashamed of myself," I muttered to him. His head rested on my right shoulder as he gazed out of the window. I felt him shake his head, and his hands moved down my arms. His cool fingers found my own and entwined them together.

"Please, my love," he whispered into my ear. "Don't fret. We will get through this together."

I nodded, biting back another sob. He was so wonderful, striving to keep me safe, no matter what. I knew then that we would be together for eternity. I belonged to Carlisle and vice versa. Nothing would ever tear us apart. I _wanted _and _needed _himso much. I needed him to love me properly.

Edward cleared his throat uncomfortably and backed out of the room. I smiled at him apologetically. He had heard my somewhat lustful thoughts. I hoped he didn't think any less of me because of them. After all, Carlisle and I were not wed, and I had been taught that out of wedlock, such feelings were sinful. But then again, I was no longer human, and I had no soul to worry about, did I?

Edward smiled at me, his grin reaching his eyes. I chuckled and looked at the floor. How embarrassing.

"If you two are fine here, I think I will go hunt now. I'll check the perimeter to make sure that your new _acquaintances _have not caused any problems," Edward said.

"Thank you, Edward," Carlisle responded, giving him a polite nod.

Edward left the house and, once I hoped he was a safe distance away from my thoughts, I turned to Carlisle. "Thank you. Thank you so much…for everything."

"I would do anything for you, my sweet Esme. Anything."

I smiled up at him and pulled myself closer, my arms wrapping around his muscular torso. "Hold me please, _I need you," _I told him, so quietly.

"I'm here, my love." He didn't quite get it.

"I _want _you." I tightened my grip around him slightly and brought my body flush against his. The wanton need within my body grew; I knew what I wanted and needed from him the most.

His eyes widened, and he ran a finger slowly down my cheek. I leaned my face gently into his touch. "I want you," I repeated again before lowering my voice. "I want you to hold me and then I _want you _to make love to me."

Carlisle moved carefully towards me and captured my lips with his own. The kiss was slow, yet passionate. I needed more from him, and I knew he wanted the same. He pulled away from me. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to tell me that, my beautiful girl," he whispered to me, before scooping me up into his arms and carrying me bridal style up the stairs to one of the empty rooms.

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My fanfiction rec this week is "Seasons of Change" by a very good friend of mine BeccieT - SOC is set twenty years after the end of Breaking Dawn - It's a highly emotional story and I love it. Very different. Please go and read it and leave Beccie lots of love as she deserves it. As well as here on you can find the story on Twilighted also.

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5917408/1/Seasons_of_Change


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer

**A\N** – I lost a lot of your on the last two chapters – Both on here and Twilighted my chapter views went down by almost 100 for each instalment… This worries me as chapter six has been my most favourite to write to date. I liked brining out Esme's true vampire. Please, don't be afraid to leave comments. If you dont like it or don't think it's canon, please tell me. I am loving telling Esme's story and will carry it on.. Reviews help me write quicker. Chapters eight and nine are complete and ready to go off to my beta so I shall not keep you waiting too long for updates.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, your thoughts mean the world to me.

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**Chapter 7**

**Esme POV**

I didn't feel uncomfortable as his eyes raked across my body. I could feel them burning into me and I could sense his passion and lust. I smiled as he closed the door behind us and turned the flimsy lock. I giggled nervously. If anyone wanted to come in, that little barricade was highly unlikely to stop them.

We looked at one another for a few moments. Time was, once again, standing still for us. We stood at arm's length away, both waiting for the other to make the first move. I finally met his stare and smiled before taking a step towards him, taking one of his hands.

"I _need _you," I quietly repeated the sentence I'd used downstairs.

Carlisle's eyes suddenly turned several shades darker than his usual ochre. They were almost black. It looked as though he'd not hunted in weeks, although he was free of the purple bruising which usually ran along side of that. His eyes were dark because he felt the same as I did. Needy. Lustful.

My already sharp senses suddenly felt even more heightened. I could smell almost every ingredient in the lemon scented floor polish I had used downstairs several days before. I could smell Carlisle's potent but delicious aroma, as well as the musky scent of the tramp that lived five blocks over from us. All of that without having to concentrate. The only scent I needed, however, was Carlisle's. His was a mixture of honey, spices and the ocean. I could pick him out from miles away, and I felt as though I were bathing in him right at that moment.

The open fire was crackling quietly as it burned away the log of cherry wood that Edward must have set upon it before our return. The glow in the room seemed so ambient and romantic.

He didn't say a word as he pulled me close. His arms wound around my waist and we moulded together. We fit perfectly, my head resting under his strong chin and angular jaw. It was as though we were made for each other.

I closed my eyes and leaned into him. I felt him inhale my scent and his entire body relaxed. I pressed my hand to his chest over his still heart. Carlisle pulled his head away slightly and leaned down, kissing my forehead. It was so tender, gentle and loving. He continued with his chaste kisses, trailing them across my temples, cheeks, jaw line and, finally, at both corners of my mouth. I wanted him to kiss me properly, and I needed to feel his mouth on mine. I longed to have his taste on my tongue. As beautiful as his kisses were, it all seemed too erotic for me in that moment. He was going too slowly, and I needed to be consumed by him.

I could not stop the frustrated moan that escaped my lips. Carlisle immediately stopped his ministrations and looked at me with concern then grinned widely when he realised that I wasn't upset, only impatient. I chewed on my lip and looked at him. His eyes were still dark and hooded as he stared at me through his lashes. "I'm sorry ma'am. Perhaps I'm doing this wrong?" he asked jokingly.

I shook my head. "No it's right. So very right. I just want more," I shyly admitted. I was silently praying that he would not think less of me for being so bold.

He searched my face for a moment before quickly capturing my lips. He ran his hands up my sides, and, just for a moment, his fingers grazed the sides of my breasts causing me to gasp into his mouth. He took the opportunity and pressed the tip of his tongue through my open lips, pushing them further apart and hunting my own, caressing it gently. My hands mirrored his, and I traced my fingers up his sculpted torso, feeling each and every perfect curve. He was marvellous.

I stepped back, pulling him with me as we backed into the wall. There was no space between our bodies, but I still needed to feel him closer. My hands moved to his hair, pulling and tugging him closer. Our mouths duelled together as though they were fighting for dominance. Carlisle's large hands that had been at the back of my neck started to work their way back down again, coming to rest on my hips and pulling me toward his now very evident arousal.

He moved his hands lower and around the curve of my rear, lifting me up. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs tightly around him, hoping that the lock I had on him would not crush him. His hands answered me, gripping my backside harder and pressing me harder against the wall. I could feel him straining against me, trying to control himself.

I tugged at his blond hair, ending our kiss. We panted together as I rested my forehead against his.

"Esme, love, are you ok?" he questioned as I looked into his eyes and played with the shorter hairs at the back of his neck. "I can stop if this is too much." Such a gentleman, as always.

"No, don't stop," I whispered, breathing deeply onto him. "It's not enough. I need more."

I unhooked my legs from around his waist and stood, keeping our bodies close together. My hands moved to the collar of his dress shirt and I looked at him nervously. I knew that I would have to make the first move. Even though Carlisle knew I wanted him, he would not push me. He was an almost three hundred year old virgin who I highly doubt had even touched himself inappropriately. _Ever._ He probably had never even indulged in his human life either because of his faith and his father's beliefs. He certainly had not as a vampire as he had confided in me that he was disgusted with what he was.

Carlisle didn't say a word, but his eyes were burning. I prayed that he wasn't bothered that my eyes were once again red. Or had my lust turned them black also? I had longed to keep them ochre like his. His eyes suddenly darkened and he moved impossibly closer. I took this small movement as his consent to carry on. My fingers trembled as I reached the first button. I took the greatest care as not to rip the shirt right off his back.

I managed the first three buttons, exposing his perfectly sculpted alabaster chest which had a fine sprinkling of pale blonde hair. I fumbled slightly, my hands shaking and slipping, causing the final three buttons to pop and fall to the floor, ripping the starched white shirt open. I carefully pulled the rest of it out of the waistband of his slacks. His suspenders were loose around his waist. He must have shrugged them off when he removed his jacket.

I moved my hands up his beautiful torso, my nails lightly scratching. Carlisle hissed softly and his head fell back, eyes closed. When I reached his shoulders, I pushed at his shirt and watched it float to the floor. Then, I waited for him to look down at me. I smiled at him and tangled my fingers with his, bringing them to the high collar of my blouse. His fingertips lightly dusted over my upper arms and around to my neck. He handled the tiny buttons far better than my fingers had.

I didn't feel uncomfortable standing before him in only my boots, skirt and camisole. It felt natural. I reached up to kiss him again, my hands moving over his chest once again. I wanted to memorize his body, and I yearned to learn exactly what he wanted. For the first time ever, I wanted to make a man happy.

I gasped as my new lover began to cautiously move his hands over my body. He caressed my arms, my back and then my stomach before gently reaching upwards and cupping a large hand over my right breast. I felt my body immediately respond to his actions. My nipples puckered under his touch, my stomach fluttered for a moment, and I experienced an unfamiliar ache between my legs.

I arched into Carlisle's hand, pushing myself closer to him as he palmed me. He nuzzled my neck and began to press soft kisses along my throat and down to my collarbone, pausing when he reached my jugular. He inhaled deeply and sucked gently on my scar. _His _scar. The place where he had marked me as his forever.

I could not help but moan gently, and I felt Carlisle chuckle into my neck. He pulled away, his gaze once again meeting mine. He smiled brightly, but his eyes still burned holes through me. He looked so beautiful. My fingers hovered over his waistband and traced the button. His hand came down to mine and he gently moved it away. Before I could even consider that he might be trying to stop what I was doing, he flicked at the button and sent it flying across the room where the others from his shirt had been scattered. He grinned again. I loved it because he looked so much younger and carefree when he smiled.

I raised my arms above my head, mentally asking him to remove my camisole. He did so, sliding his hands up and along my curves. I shivered in anticipation at what was to come.

His eyes raked over my naked breasts. He must have seen thousands of pairs over the years – he was a doctor after all. But, I knew this was different for him. I wasn't a patient now, and he was aware for the first time that he was allowed to look and touch for himself. I knew he could see and sense what he was doing to me. I gnawed on my lip gently as he raised both of his hands and touched me, taking each of my dark nipples between his thumb and forefingers and twisting them gently.

I saw him swallow deeply and my own venom pooled in my mouth. He was clearly aroused. I could feel him pressed up against me. His manhood was hard and thick through his clothing and throbbing into my stomach. I could also _smell _him. His scent was slightly different than usual – more intense somehow. I was then aware that I could smell his lust.

I pushed his slacks down and they pooled around his ankles. His underwear was different to the sort Charles had worn. These were shorter and a little looser, falling to his knees. Charles had either worn a union suit or long-johns. I had heard other women talking about the new craze in gentlemen's undergarments but had never had any interest. I liked them. Carlisle had lovely legs. His whole body was pure perfection.

Carlisle leaned down and kissed me once again. It wasn't as hungry as before but more tender. His fingers worked along the curves of my breast and waist gently. I'd never been touched so delicately. I felt _loved _as a woman should be for the first time in my life. I craved his touch.

"I suddenly feel over dressed," I muttered to him, gesturing to my long skirt, boots and stockings. I backed off a little and allowed Carlisle to kick his shoes off and step out of his slacks. I reached behind my back and shakily opened the buttons at the base of my spine. I managed to get the three buttons unfastened quickly without damaging the garment.

Carlisle sunk down onto his knees, his hands running down my calves. Oh my. The touch of his hands so close to my womanhood sent a new rush of heat between my thighs. He slowly began to unlace my boots before sensually pulling them off my feet and setting them aside. Then, he reached up so that his face was level with my stomach. He placed a chaste kiss upon my navel before hooking his index fingers into the waistband of my short step-ins and slowly pulled them down, leaving me bare before him, apart from my stockings and garter.

"I like these," he whispered to me, tracing a finger at the hem of my garter belt and smirking. Doctor Carlisle Cullen smirked at me. I almost lost it there and then. I felt as though I was going to combust and he had hardly touched me. I didn't think I had ever experienced a climax in my human life. Sex with Charles had always been one sided, never for my pleasure. I'd not been allowed to take control, and the times that I had consented to his actions, my job was to just lie there until he had finished. The only good thing that had ever come out of my _relations _with the man I had married was my precious son. My sweet William.

I felt the heat down below spread up my body. I wished that I could have blushed for him.

Carlisle got to his feet and kissed me once again. His hands were everywhere, as were mine. I could tell he was nervous as he was trying his hardest to be gentle. He didn't know how he should be touching me, but I didn't care because it felt so _right. _I wasn't afraid of his hands touching me in my most private places nor did I care that others may have thought that we were sinning by loving each other intimately out of wedlock.

I switched our positions quickly, pressing him back hard against the wall. Our house shook, dust fell from the ceiling and a large crack appeared, as did the perfect indent of Carlisle's back and head into the offending wall. I giggled. "Sorry, love, I got carried away."

Carlisle kissed me again, harder than he ever had before, his soft tongue demanding entry into my mouth. I granted his wish and pressed my hands hard into his chest, digging my fingers into him. His chest rumbled, and I thought I heard him purr, just like the family cat my parents had when I was a girl.

I felt his erection twitch against my thigh. I moved my hand down and lightly brushed against the front of his short underwear. He broke our kiss and his head once again rolled back. I heard the purring sound again, but this time it was definite. I decided that for all eternity, it would be one of my favourite sounds and that I would strive to make my lover purras often as possible.

"Esme," he muttered under his breath, his hands gripping at my breasts.

"Is this okay?" I asked. "Can I see you now?"

"Oh, Esme, for all that is holy...please," he whispered breathlessly as his thumbs stroked at my pert nipples.

Before I had the chance to remove his final item of clothing, his hands left my chest and he hastily tore at his underwear, ripping them clean in two.

He was _huge_. I'd obviously not had much experience when it came to male genitalia, but I knew that Carlisle was well endowed. His penis looked as smooth as brushed velvet. I reached out and gently touched him. He _felt _like velvet, so silky compared to the rest of his marble body. He felt warmer there, too. I attentively wrapped my fingers around his length, causing Carlisle to moan loudly. I felt him twitch and throb repeatedly in my hand.

"Esme, my love," he began, his hand touching my face. "You need to stop for a moment. I can't...I won't last long if you carry on. If I'm going to climax, I need you to do so first," he told me.

Then his hand came to rest at the junction of my thighs, and his fingers caressed the soft hair on my mound. He played there for a moment as my hands came to rest on his biceps. He trailed his fingers lower and came into contact with my center.

"You are so wet, darling…I never dreamed you would be like this for me."

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded. I felt breathless – which when I thought about it, seemed a little mad seeing as we didn't need to breathe – but I couldn't control myself or my body. I felt so…human.

I tried to stifle my groan as he pushed two fingers gently into my aching heat. I felt my knees start to buckle when he sunk his long digits into me. I braced myself against his strong arms as his hand began its ministrations, slowly moving in and out. He twisted his thumb up so that it brushed up against me when he moved. It was the most intense and perfect thing I had ever felt. My stomach began to tighten and the ache within me built up. My inner muscles started to contract involuntary and I trembled. I fought to keep my eyes open and locked onto his, but it was impossible.

Carlisle watched me closely, and I felt him begin to move faster, his thrusting becoming harder. His thumb pressed down at the front of my sex, and he rubbed tiny circles there.

"Oh, God," I called out as I felt my whole body convulse. I felt myself get hotter and hotter. I rocked my hips, meeting his hand before I stopped, unable to do anything more. Heat rushed through me and I thought I was floating on a sea of bliss. I came down off of my high and loosened my hold on Carlisle's arms. Cracks had appeared where I had almost crushed him.

"Don't worry, my love. It's fine." He was right. His stone skin repaired itself after he spoke. "It didn't hurt. I half expected it to happen," he murmured, his eyes gleaming at me.

I panted and kissed him softly, the wetness between my legs so obvious and the need still there. I could smell myself on him.

"Please…make love to me, now. Take me," I urged him, pulling him back to me. I took his engorged member in my hand and stroked him from one end to the other three times before pulling him down on top of me upon the wooden floorboards.

He hovered above me, resting on his elbows, not wanting to put his full weight upon me. I parted my knees and drew him down onto me as I wrapped my stocking-clad legs around his waist. He shifted his weight once again, and his erection touched my sex. I moved against him, coating him in my wetness.

"Are you sure? You really want me like this, my love?" He seemed so uncertain of himself.

"If you want me this way, then I want you," I assured him. I arched my back, giving him easier access. The head of his length was level with my center. All that was needed was a small, one-inch movement south on my behalf and he would have been inside of me.

Carlisle nodded. "Oh, I want you. But please, tell me if it's not how you like it." He _was_ nervous. The thought of the act – the thought of not pleasing me – was plaguing his mind.

"Shhh," I whispered, kissing him softly. "No one has ever _made_ _love_ to me, Carlisle. I want this to be _my first time, _too." He seemed pleased with my words and moved closer, pressing into me slightly. My body hummed quietly as he eased himself inside of me. When Carlisle could go no further, he opened his eyes. Our gazes locked and for the first time in either of my lives, I knew I was totally whole. We were _made _to be together. Our bodies fit perfectly – like a jigsaw puzzle. He waited two and a half centuries for me, and I realised then that I had met him when I was sixteen years old for a reason. Everything that had happened in my less than perfect human existence happened because I would end up with Carlisle.

When we were completely joined, Carlisle smiled. He looked shy but almost triumphant as he cast his eyes down and glanced at where we had become one. After just a little shy of two and a half centuries, he was no longer innocent.

Carlisle moved slowly, wriggling his hips as though he were testing me. His eyes never left mine as he began to slide in and out of me. I tightened my legs around him and arched my back more, moving with him and meeting his gentle thrusts. Being with him was so different to what I remembered of how it had been with Charles. Carlisle's movements were soft and tender, almost fluid, as he sunk as deeply into my core as he could go. He leaned down and kissed me. I threw myself into the kiss, eagerly pushing my tongue into his mouth and searching out his. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer to me. I needed more.

"Is…is this okay, my love? Are you ok?" he asked me, panting lightly.

I smiled and nodded. "Amazing, darling. Please, never stop loving me," I whispered breathlessly.

Carlisle pulled me up so that I was sitting on his lap with him still inside of me. Our chests moulded together and our arms held each other close. He started to thrust upwards, harder than before. _Oh God_. It was so much deeper and so much more intense, but still passionate and loving. I had a perfect man making sweet love to me, and I loved it.

"You are so amazing. This is perfect," I whispered, rocking above him, the friction between our bodies intensifying. "I love you so much," I told him over and over.

"As I love you," he responded, his forehead resting on my shoulder as he pumped into me harder. The wonderful tightening and warm sensation returned, and I felt my whole body start to prepare itself for its second ever orgasm.

I felt his body tense, also, and I knew that he was on the brink of climax. I rocked harder onto him, tensing the muscles of my sex around his length as I came again with a growl. Carlisle shortly followed, the earlier purring becoming almost a roar. He loudly moaned as his erection pulsed within me, filling my body with his cool seed.

Our bodies hummed in unison as we both came down together. Carlisle kissed me all over my face and neck gently. Suddenly, all those innocent kisses felt wildly erotic. I knew that nothing between us would ever be the same again. We belonged to each other for eternity.

We looked at each other longingly for what could have been hours, not speaking any words. Nothing needed to be spoken. His eyes told me everything.

As dawn broke, we knew that Edward would soon be returning home, and it would be rather embarrassing for the poor boy to walk in on a private situation. I knew that Carlisle and I would be mortified too. We slowly untangled our limbs and dressed one another.

He broke the silence and wrapped his arms lovingly around my waist. "Esme, you have given me everything. This was the happiest night of my life. I have never felt so _wanted." _

I smiled and agreed with him.

He kissed my cheek softly before getting down on one knee in front of me.

"I can't help but feel like we have done this the wrong way around, my love, but I feel so strongly for you, and I would like you to make me an honest man. Will you please be my wife? Marry me, my darling."

His eyes were the brightest shade of amber that I had ever seen, and his white teeth gleamed at me as he smiled.

My hand flew to my mouth at his beautiful words. I had never expected a proposal from him, although I should have known that it would eventually come, Carlisle being such a proper and moral gentleman.

"Of course I will," I sobbed. My eyes stung from the venom collecting under my eyelids. I blinked several times, wishing I could cry for him. The tears never came, as usual.

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled something out. Holding his palm flat, Carlisle produced a small velour bag and shook it gently. A delicate, shiny object landed in his open hand – a small ring with a pretty gold band and a single stone. So beautiful.

"I've had it months," he confessed as he took my left hand and slipped the ring onto my forth finger. It was the perfect fit, of course.

We gazed at each other for a long moment when we heard Edward's light footsteps approach the house. When he opened the front door, he laughed gently and spoke. "I'm glad you said yes, Esme. If not, I think we would be picking pieces of him up off the floor," he joked.

_Of course I said 'yes,' daft boy, _I thought to him, smiling. Carlisle could tell that I was having a silent conversation with our younger companion.

"You complete me, and I promise to love and care for you always, my dear," I told him. I could not wipe the grin off my face. He had made me the happiest woman alive.

I knew that I would never forget about my previous life, even if I were to live thousands of years – which was highly plausible. I would never forgive Charles, although being with Carlisle would ease the pain of the memories. I would never forget William. He was safe in heaven, and Carlisle told me that he would watch over me and protect us. William would always be with me in some way or another. Carlisle also told me that God works in mysterious ways, and that he would challenge us all.

The start of my new life was just beginning. I had no idea what the next few decades would bring, but I looked forward to sharing every moment with my new family.

* * *

My Fic Rec this week is _**"Dont Take The Girl"**_ by **Sparkling Wand**...

_"Charlie Swan agreed to take 8 yr old Edward Cullen on one of his & Bella's weekend fishing trips. Little did he know he opened the door to a life long friendship & romance. Follow E&B through their life. AH B&E."_

It's a fantastic ALL HUMAN work in progress, currently 18 chapters in. Its a very good and engrossing read. Please give it a try and add to your favourites.

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5930569/1/Dont_Take_the_Girl


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer.

**Authors Notes: **As always, a huge thanks to LisaDawn75 who beta's AMP for me and makes me look far more intelligent than I actually am! Also uber thanks and hugs to my lovely friend shell371 who pre-reads and makes suggestions for my chapters.

A Mother's Pain has been nominated for a "Twilight Gem Award" – I found out earlier this week, but voting ends tomorrow (Tuesday 31st of August, so if you have time and would like to vote, please do. AMP is up for "Best Work In Progress (WIP) and my other story, A Little Less Than Patient (BxE, post Eclipse AU) is nominated for Best Lemon(!) and Best One Shot.

If you would like to vote please visit www(dot)gemawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com

I am very excited and honoured to be nominated, so thank you.

This weeks story recommendation can be found at the bottom of this weeks chapter.

_I will let you in on a secret – I shall be posting a new One Shot later this week – It's VERY different to anything I've written before. First off it's ALL HUMAN and most definitely not a canon fiction. Secondly the pairings might seem odd – But I write it after a prompt from a good friend of mine, so it's all for her. _

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Esme POV**

I found that life with Carlisle and Edward was very comfortable. Just a month after his proposal, Carlisle and I wed. It was a private affair, although there were people that Carlisle may have liked to have invited such as fellow doctors and surgeons from the hospital. With me being less than a year old, however, I was still not entirely comfortable at being around humans. So, it was just the three of us. Edward was still posing as my younger brother under my care. He was also Carlisle's best man.

As the decade passed, we moved from town to town. Carlisle always found it easy to find work. He was well-known as a promising young practitioner, but perhaps thiswasn'talwaysa good thingas being_ noticed _madelife a little more difficultwith regard to us never appearing to _paper, _Carlisle was several years older than his true human age of just twenty-three, and with good looks such as his, he was given a lot of attention from the females he had under his care, not to mention the nurses. That didn't bother me. I knew that he loved me and me only. It was wonderful not to have to live in fear of a man.

The year of 1927 was hard. Poor Edward was struggling with our way of life. Although he integrated well with the humans and he had never made any fatal mistakes like I had, he was confused at what he was. He told us it wasn't that he didn't _agree _with the way of life we led – it was just that he wanted to try something different. He was aware that other vampires knew of our small family, and of course, our _diet_. He knew that they mocked us.

Edward told us that he was going to leave. He said he didn't know if it would be forever, but he needed to evaluate his life. He wanted to see what it was like to exist the way we were supposed to. Although this thought tortured both Carlisle and me, we could understand it and hoped he would return quickly with his free will intact and his wonderings answered.

We would hear from him once in a while. Carlisle would always fret if we didn't have any contact for a month or so. Edward was like a son to Carlisle, and he and I had also built a very strong relationship. Although Edward would pose as my younger brother due to our similar looks and hair color, I had been starting to think of him as my own son. I loved him very much, and it pained me greatly when he left us.

Edward had come to a decision. He wanted to feed off humans, however, he only hunted the truly evil ones. Using his mind reading ability, he would seek out those who had committed horrid crimes such as murder and rape. He had even managed to save some innocent lives while catching criminals in the act. Edward had put pen to paper and written to me, telling me that he was praying that Carlisle and I didn't think any less of him for his decision – which of course we didn't. We loved him. He wanted us to know that he longed to do good by helping rid the world of evil, but at the same time, he was following his instincts. We were both glad that he seemed happy. However, we missed him terribly.

Although it was wonderful to have time to bond alone with Carlisle and not worry about doing or saying anything to make Edward uncomfortable, after the first year, I felt as though without him near us, that a limb had been severed. Even though he had left of his own accord, I felt as though I had lost another child, and the long hours that Carlisle worked I would feel so lonely. The grief I felt when I lost my precious William had been reawakened and my new life had given me more capacity to feel it. Sometimes, I would just stand by the window as still as a statue and await my husband's return.

"I know you miss him, my love," Carlisle had told me, his hands running softly down my upper arms one evening when he caught me staring into space. I had been so deep in thought that I'd not heard him come into our home, let alone caught his scent when he was three miles away like I usually would.

I turned to face him and sadly leaned my head on his chest. "So much," I whispered hoarsely. "I just need to know that he is safe and happy. I know his words on paper inform us that he is satisfied with his life, but I can't help but worry."

My beautiful husband wrapped his strong arms around my waist and exhaled deeply into my hair. "I wonder, too, darling...constantly. But we need to give him his time and space. One day, I hope he will return to us. He is not, and never will be, a nomad as our kind needs a little company. Unless, of course, he is able to find himself a mate…" He trailed off, deep in thought.

It was always possible, of course, that Edward would find the one that he would spend eternity with. It would be about time – Edward deserved to be happy. I wanted nothing more than that. I just hoped he would come back home so we could at least meet her.

Carlisle and I spent several years alone together. Once my thirst had become much more manageable, we would attend hospital functions together and spend time out in the open, weather permitting, of course. I fell deeper and deeper in love with him, each and every day. I learned very quickly that he made me happy and that he would endeavour to forever. There was not a single day that went by when we did not make love or declare our love for each other.

My memories of Charles did not vanish, but the flashbacks stopped and the images in my head were not as clear. They almost seemed fuzzy. Sometimes, when I would stand as still as a marble statue, I would see William's face before me. He would be smiling. He was as clear to me then as he had been in the four short days of his life. It had been close to nine years since he had left me. He looked happy, though, and I knew that he was watching over me.

**1931**

Carlisle pulled me close, tight into his arms, as I rocked above him, my hands cupping his cheeks as I leaned in and kissed him feverishly. He gripped my lower back tightly and tried to pull me down onto him harder as he thrust himself up into me.

It had been eighteen long hours since we had seen each other. Carlisle was a well- respected surgeon, and he put in so many long hours. Many of the people in our community raved about him. We would miss each other greatly, and it was a regular occurrence that as soon as he would arrive home, we would exchange a few pleasantries about his shift, and then his eyes would meet mine. I would see them darken just for me, and then he would saunter over to me and kiss me. This always led to our clothing being strewn all across our room and taking each other to our bed.

He flipped me around suddenly, and I found myself on my hands and knees. I gently grabbed hold of the oak headboard and arched my back, turning my head around to look at my husband as he aligned himself and swiftly entered me from behind. His eyes were closed, and I could tell he was trying to control himself. Even after so long together, Carlisle still felt the need to be careful with me, even though he was well aware that he wasn't going to break me. He had stated he always wanted me to feel as though he was _loving _me each and every time.

I loved it when he took me in that way. I could feel him completely, and I felt at his mercy as he pounded into me.

My two hundred and fifty year old husband was certainly not a prude. He liked to try out new things, and our martial relations became a little more adventurous as time went on. He was always concerned with my well-being and modesty. I had found it rather amusing when I had seen the look of pure shock on his face when I had tried to seduce him in the middle of a corn field; he had been worried about getting caught. To me, the thought of being seen made it even more exciting. He did, of course, accept my advances, as I expected him too. He would tell me constantly that he could never deny me anything. It was helpful that the two of us were just as insatiable as the other.

I arched my back a little more and, using the post for support, got to my knees so that his chest was flush against my back. He continued to thrust into me as he filled me completely, and his hands trailed around my waist as he massaged my stomach for a while before raising his left hand and cupping my breast. He pulled at my nipple, causing me to cry out. He gently twisted the pert bud, knowing full well that he could bring me to climax with that one simple ministration. I felt myself building closer to the inevitable as his thrusts became faster. His right hand moved from my stomach to the swollen bundle of nerves between my legs. His fingers met where we were joined, and I enjoyed the feeling of both his hands and his length pressing into me. He angled his thumb over my clitoris and pressed down lightly, before starting to rub small circles on me. I gasped at the contact, and Carlisle chuckled. He got the same reaction from me each and every time he performed that act.

I held off until I felt him tense up behind me. Suddenly, he buried his head into my neck and bit down. I felt him draw me in, sucking the venom from my dead veins. The sharp sting of his teeth was then met with the waves of sheer passion pulsing through my body as we came together. My body began to tingle as his venom mixed with my own. Carlisle's tongue lapped greedily at my neck as he assisted my healing. My knees were weak, and I was so pleased that he was still holding me up, both of his wonderfully skilled hands working their magic.

Feeling finally returned to my body. Carlisle was uncharacteristically quiet; he would normally be whispering to me as we both came down from our blissful highs. He was touching me gently, but, oh so quiet behind me.

I turned around to face him, my hand finding his cheek, and pulled his face around to look at me. My love looked utterly devastated. He even averted his eyes from mine.

"Darling, what's wrong?" I asked, panicked. "Look at me, please!" I begged him, my voice cracking slightly.

Very slowly, he looked down at me. I could not believe the sadness in his beautiful eyes.

"My love, I am so very sorry. I don't know what came over me." He was shaking his head and blinking rapidly as though he were crying.

I gaped at him. "What on earth… Carlisle, what are you apologising for?" I didn't understand why he seemed so pained. He had not hurt me, and, as always, I loved every moment of our time together.

"I lost control with you…I…I bit you Esme. I am so very sorry."

I had to bite back a laugh. He looked hurt when he saw my smile.

"How on earth could you find that amusing? he questioned, looking once again to the floor. There was a hint of fury in his voice.

I gripped his chin and once again pulled his face around. Our faces were barely an inch apart. He opened his eyes, and I could smell his sweet breath on my face. "I don't want you to _ever_ apologize for doing that. Carlisle, my darling, that was definitely the most erotic and amazing thing that I have ever experienced." I blinked shyly at my admission.

His eyes widened as the realization began to hit him. "You…you liked it?" His voice was barely above a shaky whisper. I nodded, smiling at him as my body suddenly relaxed when I thought of the moment that I felt his venom entering my body in two places at once.

"I more than liked it. I loved it. Feeling your mouth on me like_ that_ – it felt so feral, yet so right. It felt as though you were doing it out of –"

"Instinct?" he cut me off, still looking absolutely amazed.

I nodded profusely. That was exactly what it had felt like he was doing. The animal – the real vampire within him – had come out to play. And I loved it.

"You are one incredible creature, Mrs. Cullen," he chuckled, pressing soft kisses all across my face as he scooped me up into his arms, holding me close to him. He laid me down on the crumpled sheets on our bed and proceeded to take me again, completing me as his perfect body tangled with mine. I wished in the moments after our lovemaking that we could fall asleep in each others arms.

The next day, a Thursday, Carlisle didn't have to work. We had planned to spend the day and night hunting together. We were making our preparations to leave our home when we both stopped dead in our tracks. That scent, I would know it anywhere.

_He's home. __Edward_.

He wasn't far away, perhaps a mile, but he was heading back to us. Without a word, we opened the front door and waited, our hands clasped tightly together as we stood under the porch. My mind was spinning. Was he returning to us, or was he back to tell us that he had made his decision and that he no longer wished to follow our way of life? I wondered if he had met a mate.

We had waited for that moment for so long. I had often daydreamed about Edward coming back to us thousands of times. Our family never seemed complete without him.

My stomach fluttered when I saw him. His bronze hair was still messy on his head and sticking out at all angles. He was wearing brown slacks and a shirt which was partially unbuttoned, and he walked slowly and casually with his jacket slung over his shoulder. His eyes were a deep red color, and I hoped that Edward didn't feel too uncomfortable about them. He still looked like himself.

I tried to stay put, praying that I could keep my feet planted to the floor, but as he approached, I could not handle it any longer. I dropped Carlisle's hand and ran towards Edward, remembering of course that I would have to keep it to a human pace.

Edward stopped as he saw my form flying towards him, and he shot me his lopsided grin. I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him close to me.

"You're home. Edward, please tell me you're home and staying?" I pleaded with him. I couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth but honestly did not care one little bit. We had both missed him so much.

"If you will have me," he whispered into my ear. I pulled away to look at the perfect face I had visualised so many times in the past year. The joy I felt was incredible. That was the moment when I realised that I loved Edward like a son.

Carlisle had approached us, and he reached a hand out to Edward who took it but then hugged Carlisle to him affectionately. Carlisle clapped him on the back.

"Of course we will have you. You're welcome to do whatever you like, and we would love having you with us," Carlisle promised.

Edward nodded. He looked weary, and I knew that later on when he was settled, he would no doubt tell us tales of what he done. Although we knew most of it, we were just pleased that he was home.

Our son had returned to us, and I knew from that moment on that I would strive to do anything to make my family – my husband and son – happy. For the first time in almost nine years, I felt like a mother.

* * *

This week I would like to recommend a new story, written by my very good friend _**fallanydeeper**_ – It's a wonderful start to what I know will be a very emotional tale.

**Danseur et Danseuse; pas de deux**: _Bella Swan gets accepted to dance with the Cullen Ballet Company, a dream she has always had. Edward Cullen is her dance partner. What will happen when the two meet? Will their pairing be as romantic as they portray with their feet on stage? _

You can read and add this story to your updates by removing those pesky little brackets.

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6261067/1/Danseur_et_Danseuse_pas_de_deux

Read, Review and Enjoy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Authors Note: **Thanks as always to my wonderful beta, **LisaDawn75** – she works so hard on my chapters and works as well as writes her own stories… She has a new one which I think you all need to check out:

**The Chimera Project** - _Bella and Edward are just back from their honeymoon and are attending Dartmouth so that Bella can remain human for a while longer. But, when Renee is diagnosed with a terminal illness, Bella will do anything to try to save her - including taking her Biophysical Chemistry education to a whole new level. She asks Edward for his help and begins experimenting to try to find a way to save Renee's life - and in the process, comes face to face with mortality and her own ethical conflicts_.

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6271141/1/The_Chimera_Project

More thanks, as always to my gorgeous pre-reader and fellow Village Wino. Shell371. I WILL get her to show me her magical notebook this week… *plots*.

This is going to be the longest AN ever, but also thank you so very much to everyone who voted in The Gem Awards. I didn't win but I'm so flattered to be nominated and get so many votes.

And a self plug for me now – I posted a new story last week – **My Facebook Reunion** can be found on my profile. It's an AH story and is currently five chapters in. Don't forget to have a look.

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**Chapter 9**

**1933**

**Esme POV**

I watched as his long, graceful fingers danced over the keys of the Baby Grand in our parlour. Edward moved over on the leather topped bench so I could sit by him. I could listen to him play for hours – and some evenings when Carlisle was working at the hospital, I did exactly that.

This particular piece was an Edward Cullen original composition. He was marvellously talented and had such an ear for music. Sometimes, he would hand me a sheet of music – a hand written manuscript – play it from memory and tell me that it was mine. My beautiful almost-son would write music for me. He was a dream come true. I loved having him back at home with us.

We didn't talk of his time away after a long discussion shortly after he returned to us in 1931. He felt immense guilt for the lives he had taken – hundreds of lives. At the time of his _rebellion, _as he would refer to it, he'd thought that he was doing the right thing – only taking the lives of those who were truly evil – but since his return to us and reverting back to our vegetariandiet, he felt more remorseful as to what he'd done. He vowed that he would never take another human life. He didn't want to be a monster. I could relate to that. After that _slip up_ in the forest all those years ago, and several near misses, I felt the same.

I felt for him greatly. He must have been very lonely during the time he spent away from us, and I certainly didn't envy the way he must have felt when he came back. He was still alone. I wanted him to be happy…happy in the same way that I was with Carlisle. I wished for Edward to find a mate. He had been alone for fifteen years and, although he was still trapped in his seventeen year old body, he was a man. He was kind, intelligent, beautiful and a true gentleman. He would make a wonderful husband to the right, and hopefully _vegetarian, _young lady.

I honestly thought that my prayers had been answered one foggy night.

The scent of her blood was so strong that it was almost overpowering Carlisle's very distinct aroma. I could tell that whoever it was that he was bringing to our home was only minutes away from death.

I had never been more thankful that I was so full from hunting. Edward and I had returned an hour earlier. Still, the scent of her blood made my throat burn and sting – it was as though a thousand tiny pins were stabbing me. I swallowed heavily and stopped my breathing in an attempt control my thirst. Edward, reading my mind, came and stood in front of me, his arms behind him, holding me gently.

"You're doing well. Just don't breathe," he whispered to me. I nodded and closed my eyes. I could do this. I didn't want to feed off the girl whom Carlisle was no doubt bringing home. "He's going to change her...she's so young…she was attacked…" Edward winced as he read Carlisle's thoughts as he approached the house.

It crossed my mind for just one second that perhaps Carlisle was replacing me, but I quickly chastised myself for even thinking that. Carlisle was happy with me.

Would she be another member of our family? I only hoped that she would appreciate being changed. I hoped that perhaps, just perhaps, this young woman would be thankful to my husband for saving her life. I silently prayed that she was not welcoming death.

Edward gently squeezed my forearms. "Me too," he muttered, hearing my thoughts.

I swallowed once again as the key turned in the door, and it slowly creaked open. It was still pitch black and foggy outside, and Carlisle stepped over the threshold, holding the poor woman in his arms.

The scent of her blood was amazing, but I swallowed the venom which had pooled in my mouth and concentrated. I didn't want to drink from her. I could not allow it. I was thankful that Edward was in front of me. I was also very impressed with his control.

Even though the girl was in a beaten, bloody state and her face was swollen, I could tell that she was incredibly beautiful. She had long blond hair; her eyes were open and dilated, but were the most piercing bright blue color that I had ever seen. She was still breathing, but only just, and her heart was thumping – so slow, yet I felt my throat throb with it. I composed myself once again, and Carlisle glanced up at me. "I'm sorry, my love. This must be terribly difficult for you. I didn't think." I shook my head, letting him know that I was okay but not daring to open my mouth in case the sweet aroma got to me even more.

"She's afraid," Edward suddenly stated. Carlisle nodded and moved past us, upstairs to one of the empty rooms.

"Does she want this?" I whispered to Edward. "Is she ready to die?"

Edward shook his head. "I can't tell. She's confused and afraid. Her fiancé and his friends violated her. All I can hear is her hate for them right now…and her fear that they will come back for her." His hands moved over his temples and into his hair as he pulled at it. I felt awful for him. To be able to hear the thoughts of each and every person around him must be difficult. To not be able to shut it off was even worse. I wondered many times if he could get a headache...

I was glad that I didn't have a gift.

Moments later, we heard the girl's piercing scream. The burning had begun. Other cries reverberated off the walls as the blonde shook and writhed against the pain. A little while later, Carlisle came back down to us. He'd changed his clothes – the others must have been covered in her blood.

My husband engulfed me in a hug and pressed a loving kiss to my forehead. He glanced at Edward expectantly.

"Her name is Rosalie," he said, making eye contact with his father_. "_From what I can tell – her thoughts are pretty muddled –her fiancé and his acquaintances did this to her." Edward looked at him sadly. I reached for him and squeezed his hand. He glanced at me and gave a weary smile. He knew that it would affect me a little, seeing as I had been through a similar horrific experience as a human. My ordeal hadn't been the cause of my death, however. The poor girl. I could only hope that she would not be too mentally scarred in her new life.

I wanted to sit with her during the change. Carlisle agreed that this would be a nice idea. He told me to talk to her and comfort her. I could do that. So I took myself to the spare bedroom, where Rosalie struggled in the confines of the small bed. Some moments she was peaceful, but then it would look as though she were in agony. Carlisle had cleaned her face off, but I cared for her, bathing her and brushing her beautiful long blond hair. She reminded me of a porcelain doll that I'd had as a child. As her skin began to harden and turn to alabaster like our own, my breath was taken away at her beauty. If she had been stunning as a human, there was no doubt in my mind that she would be one hundred times lovelier as an immortal.

My thoughts turned to Edward. This could be perfect. If they could fall in love and be together, then maybe he wouldn't be compelled to leave again. Rosalie looked as though she could be a year or so older than him, but perhaps it would work... I was very hopeful. Maybe that was what brought Carlisle to the decision to change the girl. With Edward and me, the circumstances had been very different. Carlisle had promised Edward's mother, Elizabeth, that he would make sure Edward was taken care of, and Carlisle and I had met before. Rosalie was different. Carlisle wouldn't just change someone for the sheer pleasure of it.

I held Rosalie's hand during the three days of her transformation, speaking to her quietly about our life and how we would take care of her – much like Carlisle had done when I was changing. I knew from experience that she could hear me. Although her brain might not realize that anyone was there, I hoped that she would be able to remember my voice and snippets of my conversation in between her curdling screams. I prayed she found my voice relaxing. I told her how sorry I was to learn of what happened to her, and I told her about Charles – that if she wanted to talk about it, I would understand as I'd also been hurt by someone who was supposed to be in love with me. I knew I was rambling, but it helped to pass the time.

She began to still on the third day. Her skin was solid, and Carlisle checked her eyes; they were the color of rubies – as mine had been when I was turned and like Edward's had been when he returned to us.

Her heart sped up and took its final beat. Then all was silent momentarily until she sat bolt upright. Edward and Carlisle flanked my sides, waiting for trouble. Rosalie suddenly shrieked at the top of her lungs. The sound would be deafening to a human had there been one in close proximity. Her blond hair fell in front of her face, and she licked her lips, looking at us. Her eyes were angry and she snarled.

Carlisle stepped forward, his hands raised. "Rosalie?" he asked. "Please, do not be alarmed. I know things feel very strange and intense to you. We mean you no harm." He moved closer to her and she took a step back, her red eyes still wide with utter fury. "Rosalie, please don't be afraid, we won't hurt you. My name is Carlisle, you can trust me. What can you tell me?" Carlisle pressed gently. "What are your memories? Do you remember any of what happened to you?" He searched her eyes, attempting to gain her trust. "I know things may seem distant to you at the moment and confusing."

Rosalie growled again, her lip curled upwards. I could tell that she had memories of her attack. I never doubted that she would. As a vampire, human memories are not clear, but I believe that the things you want to forget the most are the ones that come back to haunt you. The worst memories stay put and are far less fuzzy than some of the better events.

I saw Edward concentrate, and then his head snapped up, his jaw tightening. He inched forward, and Carlisle mirrored him.

Rosalie advanced. Her perfect face was a vision of pure hate and spite. She looked at Carlisle, her fists clenched at her sides. Her red eyes were burning brightly with absolute fury. The beautiful woman looked truly terrifying. "What the _fuck_ have you done to me? You have RUINED EVERYTHING!" she screeched. She stalked toward us, but her prey was Carlisle. Both he and Edward stepped cautiously towards the newborn vampire, blocking her from me.

Edward must have read her mind because he suddenly lunged forward and ended up behind Rosalie, his arms wrapped tightly around her. I hoped that she was unaware that at that moment, she was far stronger than Edward. She didn't struggle; however, she just glared between the two of us, her white teeth barred and her breathing heavy.

I stepped forward and stood beside Carlisle. I was afraid of the girl, but I could understand her rage. I also felt very deeply for her. "Rosalie?" I said softly, clutching onto my husband gently. He glanced at Edward and Rosalie warily. "I understand. Please, let me help you."

Rosalie threw her head back, her blond hair cascading over her shoulders. She laughed loudly; she sounded like a thousand bells chiming. "You _understand_? What the HELL do you understand? My life was PERFECT! I was going to have EVERYTHING!"

I was slightly taken back. "You might think that now – but what happened to you –"

"You don't KNOW a thing…you…you're like him too," she cut me off, pointing a long, manicured fingernail at Carlisle.

Edward growled and tightened his hold over the girl. "He HELPED you, that's what YOU don't understand. They LEFT you for DEAD, Rosalie. They raped you, took advantage and left you in the street. You had nothing. You meant _nothing_ to them. Nothing to _him_. You were a fucking _game _to them. Are you honestly that stupid that you can't see that? Even now?" I had never heard Edward speak so harshly. His voice was trembling with anger so that he didn't sound like himself at all. It was the first time I had ever heard him curse. He was usually far too gentlemanly. He was clearly incredibly riled with the young woman.

"Edward, please," I whispered. Carlisle had his eyes locked with Edward's. Carlisle looked immensely sorry and guilty. I squeezed my husband's hand gently. I could almost feel his pain and sadness.

Rosalie looked daggers at me once again. "You might have had nothing, and you may have welcomed…_this_…whatever the hell this is, but I don't. I heard you talking to me. I _know_ what I am…what HE has done to me." Her gaze averted angrily to Carlisle for a moment.

It was obvious that Edward was using all of his strength to hold her back, yet Rosalie was merely trying to step away from him. She wasn't even struggling to move. I realized how hard is must have been for Edward and Carlisle when I was a newborn.

I stepped forward confidently, trying to portray to Rosalie that I wasn't afraid of her or that I didn't mean her any harm. She growled at me.

"I _love_ this life…now," I told her with all honesty. "Back when I was changed…it took me a while to adjust, but I am far happier now than I was in my human life." I felt my husband wince slightly as he remembered my first few months. The hatred he thought I'd felt toward him for changing me, the silences and the sobbing.

"I WAS happy in my human life," Rosalie spat. She stopped moving forward. Edward seemed relieved, but his whole body was still tense. Carlisle wrapped his arm around my waist and stepped into my side protectively.

Edward shook his head. Carlisle shot him a glare. I wished that they'd stop the fighting. Rosalie was afraid, and she was angry. It was not the time to be aggravating her more than was necessary.

"Please," I begged her. "Stay with us. I can help you. My life...and my end may have been different, but now…" I didn't know how to finish. I just looked into her eyes, imploring her to at least trust in me.

She shook her head. "No. I don't want this!" She flung up her arms, breaking Edward's hold easily and swooped past us. We didn't give chase – Rosalie had made her decision. We had tried to take responsibility for her, but she didn't want to know. There was not much that we could do.

The front door slammed loudly. I thanked God that it was night-time. Hopefully all the humans would be tucked up, safe and sound in their beds and not come into contact with a starving newborn vampire.

I pulled away from Carlisle's grasp and stormed downstairs, busying myself with the dusting and plumping up of the cushions on the sofas. I was glad that Carlisle had seen fit to complete our homes with all the usual furniture. It helped to keep up appearances, but also, I had jobs to do. The two men in my life swiftly followed me down into the parlour.

"She'll be okay," Edward said.

I snapped my head up and glared at him. "You were rude to her, Edward. Perhaps if you were kind…perhaps smiled a little…she would have –"

Edward cut me off suddenly. "No. Absolutely not, Esme. I know it would be perfect, but she is really not for me. Even when she was close to death, the vain and selfish thoughts running through her mind were just unbelievable."

Carlisle stepped forward. "It crossed my mind, too, son, but you can get into her head. It's not expected if you don't want it. But she's in a very difficult place at the moment, and it is completely my fault. Please don't fight with Esme about this. She means well."

"I don't need you to fight for me, love," I whispered to Carlisle, reaching out for him. "I just thought…don't worry about my thoughts, Edward. I'm sorry to jump to conclusions." My eyes locked with his. _I just want you to be happy like we are. I hate to see you so alone, and she seemed like the perfect opportunity to right that_.

Edward's face softened, and he ran a hand through his untidy hair. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He moved closer and put his arms around me, pulling me to his side. "Forgive me?"

"Of course. I just long for you to be happy, Edward. You are so important to me."

"Don't worry about me, _mom. _I'm happy as I am, for now. But quite honestly, I couldn't imagine more of a worse match. Rosalie…Rosalie seems too regal almost. I would like a normal, intelligent woman," he told me, a far away smile on his face. "And I have more of a preference for brunettes." His smile grew and he chuckled. Carlisle smiled also and patted Edward on his shoulder.

Edward and Carlisle watched Rosalie from a distance for several weeks. She knew they were overseeing her actions, but she never approached them. They watched her as she hunted in the woods, feeding off the deer and boar, exactly like we did. I was completely amazed that she did not drink a single drop of human blood. She wasn't opposed to spilling it, however. One by one, she hunted her attackers down and murdered them. She also took the lives of some guards who were protecting her final victim: her fiancé, Royce. She saved him until last so that he knew she was coming for him. Rosalie was pleased and her eyes were filled with glee when she told us of how she could smell his fear from miles away.

With Royce, she had stalked and tracked him down so that he was quaking with fear before her. He knew that she was some sort of demon, and he begged for his life. That had only spurred Rosalie on, making his death slow, painful and most terrifying. She wore a wedding dress – she truly looked like an angel of death.

Never once did she feed off a human, but even when not in our care, Rosalie fed in the forest, keeping to our diet. She was strong, and my respect for her grew. It was obvious she was not happy with what she had become, yet she seemed to grow to accept it and was civil towards us…Carlisle and me at least. She even decided to live with us, seeing as she had nowhere else to go. She and Edward ignored one another. Edward had told me that he didn't like the vain thoughts running through her mind, nor the way she would gaze at herself in the mirror constantly. Rosalie just did not take too kindly to Edward in any way. I gathered this was normal behaviour between teenagers who were siblings. Sometimes, I would just have to shake my head and leave the room when they would start throwing snide comments at one another and snickering.

I felt slightly foolish at first to think that I had been pairing the two of them up. She was definitely not for Edward.

Rosalie spoke to me on many occasions, and I found that we became close to one another. She asked me if I ever wanted to seek revenge on my husband. When I said no, she asked why. I told her he was a part of my life that I'd rather forget about and that I did not need another reason to be reminded of his face each and everyday. Rosalie had nodded in agreement. She was adamant, however, that she had done the right thing by killing Royce. It gave her closure.

My stone heart broke for Rosalie a million times over when she confided in me her longing to be a mother. In her human life, a baby had been the one thing she had yearned for, even at her young age. She had been so happy with Royce – looking forward to the day that they would marry and she would become with child.

I knew that Rosalie's dream would never come true. I didn't know what else to do but to take her into my arms, holding her and offering comfort.

It felt nice to have another female around, and it turned out that Rosalie could hold an interesting and intelligent conversation. We would both sit together and try to remember the good times in our human lives. She liked to hear about William and my pregnancy. She also enjoyed the story of when Carlisle and I met for the first time when I was sixteen. She told me that in a way, it seemed rather sordid, yet romantic because all the years later, he found me.

I hoped that she could at least move on with her life and find a little happiness as I had managed to. I prayed that she would one day find a mate – and Edward, too. I knew from that day on, I would strive to help them both find true happiness.

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I'm still on Twitter – (at)EternallyCullen

I also have a Facebook fanpage – Type "EternallyCullen Fanfiction" into your Facebook search box and join the group. I post chapter teasers and banners etc as well as links to my favourite stories I'm currently reading.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer:**__All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Twilight belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer. _

_**Authors Notes: **__Thank as usual to my lovely beta, **LisaDawn75** for doing a super job correcting my terrible grammar and making it all read better. You are the best beta a girl can ask for! _

_And also to my gorgeous friend Michelle for just being awesome and letting me sit on her sofa until the early hours of the morning taking about Twilight and Fanfiction, as well as pre-reading and making me write lots. ILY x_

_Also lots of shout outs to SparklingWand, Fallanydeeper, Robsten_FTW and Dan - Not to mention Cath, Deb, Lauren, Lydia and Jem. Thanks all so much for all the love, support and awesome pimping. _

_I've been a busy bee with my writing – I'm working on a new story – An All Human Multi-chapter. In fact I'm currently writing chapter 14 so it's coming out a lot faster than this little tale Please check it out by clicking on my pen-name at the top of the page – it's called **"My Facebook Reunion". **_

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**Chapter 10 **

1935

Esme POV

I was completely blind, but I knew exactly where he was, moving slowly and sensually around me, his fingers and lips ghosting over my body, causing me to tingle. My other senses were working on overtime. I could _feel _him all over me, even when he wasn't actually touching me.

Carlisle ran something from my chin, down my throat and sternum, between my breasts and to my navel. My back automatically arched towards him, and I bit back a moan. It took me a moment to concentrate and realize that he was tickling and taunting my body with a long feather. I couldn't tell what sort of bird it was from, I only knew that it smelled exotic.

I felt his delicious breath by my ear. "You need to keep still, my darling. I'm using all of my self control to refrain from just ravishing you while you lie there." His voice was as smooth as silk, but there was a seductive tone. Even if I couldn't smell his arousal, I would know just by the sound of his voice that he was extremely turned on.

I took in a deep breath and tried to relax on top of the soft cotton sheets, closing my eyes behind the silk necktie which was bound gently across them.

"Much better, my love," he whispered. I felt him move closer to me and his lips suddenly met my neck, his soft hair brushing up against my cheek. I craned my head to the left, giving him better access as he began pressing open mouthed kisses across my jugular and his fingers worked down my shoulders and arms. I gently bit down on my lip to stop further moans from escaping.

I shuddered as he brought his hand down to my breast, cupping the mound gently and squeezing. My breath hitched as I felt his thumb run over my puckered nipple. He held such a power over my body. His breath was cool on my skin as he blew continuously downwards. If I had been human, I would have been shivering in anticipation and covered in gooseflesh. His breath, however, felt like it was leaving a trail of pins and needles in it's midst.

I sighed happily and smiled as he continued his ministrations. I heard and felt him chuckle. He moved closer to me, his bare chest grazing lightly against my nipples. He kissed my parted lips and pressed his tongue into my mouth, gently probing and dipping in and out. I kissed him back, my tongue duelling with his, massaging and pushing, fighting for dominance. I loved the way he tasted, and I wanted more and more of him constantly. Our lovemaking was never boring, even after more than a decade; we would never get enough of each other.

Carlisle broke our kiss, pulling away slowly, capturing my bottom lip between his teeth and pulling lightly at it before pressing more chaste kisses along my neck and down my entire body. He concentrated on my chest for a few long minutes before licking across my ribs and down to my rounded hips and curved stomach. He kissed and nipped at every inch of my pale skin before his hands nudged at my thighs, parting them slightly. He inhaled deeply, his nose just inches away from my center. I heard his tongue dart out and lick across his lips. My hips bucked towards him involuntarily as I felt his cool breath wash across my heated core. He chuckled gently and placed his hands on my hips, holding them down. My hands flailed, attempting to find him. "Do you want me to bind your arms, darling?" he asked me quietly. "You know I will. Keep still now."

"Sorry," I whispered, licking my lips. "I'll keep still now." I loved it when Carlisle let go and had some good fun.

I felt him inch closer and closer to me, his hands pressing hard into my hips. He moved fully between my legs and knelt down, bringing my legs over his shoulders. I tried to regulate my breathing, knowing what he was about to do. I begged my body to keep still and fight against the magnetic pull between our two bodies.

My love quickly put me out of my misery, and I could feel his mouth on me. He pressed kisses on the insides of my thighs and worked his way up until his nose brushed against my womanhood. I couldn't help but to sigh loudly, and then again when he kissed me at the top of my sex, directly on top of my throbbing clitoris. He flicked his tongue out onto my tight nub, and I bit back a cry.

"You will drive me insane," I breathed, my hands finally finding his head, and I managed to tangle my fingers into his beautiful hair.

He lifted his head briefly; "That would be my plan, my darling," he said with a laugh, before he dipped his head once again and placed a long lick over my center. I screamed in pleasure as he pushed against me, his tongue working at me again and again, probing and thrusting in and out of me. I pulled gently at his hair as my body began to quiver and tremble with sheer pleasure and excitement as my stomach tightened. I had to clench my thighs around his neck, gripping him as I spiralled into oblivion.

As I came down, panting hard and running my fingers through his messy hair, he kissed my thighs and back up my body until his mouth found my own. I loved the fact that I could taste myself on him, and I allowed him into my mouth, begging him for more with my kisses.

He kissed me once again and pulled off my blindfold. I blinked as my eyes met his. They looked so full of love and lust as he kissed the tip of my nose.

He aligned the head of his member with me and slowly slid in and proceeded to make quiet and sweet love to me, never blinking and never looking away. We panted in unison as our hips met one another with our thrusts. We climaxed together and laid in silence, just loving each other. Perfect.

Our quiet moments were interrupted by the sound of angry footsteps. Edward. He was in close proximity and moving rather quickly towards the house. He was muttering to himself. "She can't just do this…It's not right." Over and over again. Carlisle helped me to my feet and handed my clothing to me. We dressed quickly, aided by our extraordinary vampire speed as our son entered the house. He was pacing in the parlour and I could sense that he was vexed.

After checking that I was presentable, I pulled Carlisle down the stairs and went to Edward.

"What's happened?" Carlisle beat me to the question. Edward pinched the top of his nose between his forefinger and thumb, still pacing. I swear he was going to wear a trail into the rug. He stopped and looked at us.

"Rose is on her way back, and she has found someone while hunting. She wants you to turn him. She saved him from being mauled by a bear, but he is close to death." Edward sounded angry. "It's fucking daytime! Does she not realize what she is risking?"

"Edward," I whisper, touching his arm lightly. "Let Carlisle look at this man. There may not be anything we can do…and if anyone sees her, I'm sure that we can work it out."

Edward searched Carlisle's eyes and my husband nodded and looked sombre. All of our noses flared at the sweet scent of the victim's blood as Rosalie approached the house. She was moving slowly, hopefully in an attempt to not draw too much attention to herself. Thankfully, we lived in a quiet area.

I took one last breath and swallowed deeply; the venom was already pooling in my mouth.

The wounded man Rose was carrying was enormous. It was hard to tell because of the way he was positioned, but it was clear that he was taller than both Carlisle and Edward, and he was built like a weightlifter – sculpted and muscular – some might describe him has burly. He had the strangest, and almost angelic, face, and a head full of dark, matted curls, and, however – even so close to death – he had a perfect set of dimples. I felt an instant feeling of affection and love for this young man, and I hoped that he would survive into this life.

Rosalie stopped at the foot of the porch. Her eyes were back and she was not breathing. She looked famished. She must have been using every ounce of her strength not to feed on his sweet blood.

"Please, Carlisle." She looked up at him, her eyes begging him to take the huge man off of her. "There isn't much time."

Carlisle nodded and swept down the steps, taking him from Rose and lifting him into the house. I reached out for Rosalie, and she took my hand. We stood together for a few moments, each of us sucking in the last of the relatively fresh air before stepping back into our home. Edward followed Carlisle in immediately, but not before glaring at Rose.

"You have done well, Rosalie," I whispered, giving her hand a light squeeze. "I would have never been able to control my thirst."

Rosalie squeezed back and smiled sadly. "He was putting up a good fight, but the bear was so much larger than him. I had to help. He would have lost in the end. He's so beautiful and he told me as I carried him home that I was his angel." Her eyes were glazed over as she thought of him. "I hope he doesn't hate me for this." And with that, she stepped into the house and went up the stairs where Carlisle and Edward had taken the man, to the very room in which both Rosalie and I had been through our transformation and started our new lives.

Rosalie pushed past Edward and knelt down besides Carlisle. "I want you to change him. Please, Carlisle. I cannot bear to lose him."

Carlisle looked torn between his wanting to help Rosalie, but also his moral issues with taking another life. Even though the young man was going to die, my husband didn't want to be faced with yet another newborn making him regret his decision.

Rose's ochre eyes pleaded with him, and he caved. He would do anything for his family. Rosalie smiled and nodded. "Thank you," was all she could say as she stepped back.

I silently wondered how many times I would stand and watch as we gained another member of our family and if I would still feel the dread of the thoughts that the person would take to it badly. I hated to see Carlisle hurt, and I wished that he didn't have to make these decisions. But he saw himself as head of our family, and he wanted to help and do right by us all.

He agreed to _help _Emmett. He asked Rose if she wished to try it as her control around human blood was remarkable, but she declined because she was terrified that if she tasted the man's blood, that she'd never be able to stop. Her control was excellent because she'd never allowed a drop of it to pass her lips. His blood was singing to her and she admitted to wanting him very badly. I think her need to keep him safe pushed Carlisle to make his choice.

Rosalie stayed with Emmett during his change. She whispered to him as he screamed and roared in pain. She told him that they could take care of each other and that he could seek revenge on all the bears he wanted. She explained, while apologizing to him, what he would become and that he would thirst for blood. She told him she would wait for him.

I couldn't help but check on them once a day, to see how Rosalie was doing. Seeing a transformation isn't a pleasant experience. The only one I had seen was Rose's, and my connection with her at the time wasn't as strong as the one she appeared to have with the young man who's name was Emmett, Edward learned when his thoughts became a little more coherent.

It was clear to me that Rosalie was falling in love with Emmett. Although she and I had grown closer and were able to have enjoyable conversations, it felt strange to see her acting so _loving _towards someone. Her guarded nature was an act when she felt unsafe – and that was the moment when I realized that and learned from my _daughter. _

When Emmett awoke he was difficult to control at first. Carlisle and Edward were definitely no match for the enormous newborn vampire. He wasn't at all violent, just very strong and unaware of how powerful he really was. My stone heart warmed as, with deep crimson eyes, Emmett looked at Rosalie and muttered, "My angel," to her, over and over again. Rosalie was able to calm him enough to take him hunting and strangely enough, it turned out that Emmett McCarty had a taste for grizzly bear.

Rosalie became much happier in the weeks that followed Emmett's arrival into our family. It wasn't long until they were head over heels in love with each other. I was happy for Rose. Emmett loved, cared for and completely worshipped her, and of that, I was certain.

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Next up - some of my own imput into the story - Stephenie Meyer never mentioned this in the bio's or backstories to the characters involved, but thanks to a prompt and a bunch of ideas from my dear friend Michelle, I think it would have been something that would have come up. Any ideas what this could be? Pop your guesses in a little review and leave some love

Follow me on Twitter (at)EternallyCullen


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight. I'm just digging around in their past and things lightly touched on by Stephenie Meyer. I do however own a silver pass to Eternal Twilight 5 convention, here in the UK in THIRTY ONE DAYS TIME... SQUEE!

**Author's Notes:** Firstly – I know... I am a major fail. I've not updated this since September. I was totally blocked, but leaving it this long was never my intention. I started my All-Human story to get me into the swing of writing and got carried away, as it's now posted and I am currently working on chapter 34 – so a bit of a self pimp – Please go read "My Facebook Reunion" (managed to throw out a couple of one-shots as well, so check my profile.)

Massive thanks to my lovely beta – **LisaDawn75** who makes this all pretty for me.

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**Chapter 11**

**1938**

Carlisle, Edward and Emmett had gone hunting together for the weekend, leaving Rosalie and me in our home. We enjoyed our rare weekends alone together. It made for a nice change to be able to discuss things that we perhaps wouldn't usually talk about in front of our mates... or maybe that we would be uncomfortable having Edward hear in our minds.

We were curled up on the chaise together; Rosalie had her head laid upon my thighs. She liked it when I smoothed her soft blond hair, as she said she found it relaxing. She had faint memories of her mother doing it for her in her human life, and I was touched that she wished for me to do the same for her.

The topics of our conversations would always be of our past lives. The foggy memories made it difficult, and both of us would find it frustrating when we touched on specific memories that we could not focus on clearly. Certain days, celebrations. The clearest memory of Rosalie's was that of her best friend, Vera, and her baby son, Henry. She often wondered what they were doing, and if they thought of her as often as she did them.

"Emmett wants to give me a baby," Rosie said softly.

My fingers running through her golden hair stopped, frozen. This was the first occasion she'd said something like that. "I know that he would try and give you anything you wanted sweetheart," I told her. "He loves you."

Rosalie shook her head. "He was deadly serious, Esme. He had an idea, and he said he will get me a baby of my very own." She sat up, crossing her legs so that she was facing me on the chaise.

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure that I understand... what do you mean?" I asked her, confused.

"Well," she began, "Em and I were discussing babies and my... life... and, well, he suggested maybe finding an orphaned child or baby. _Someone who has no one else in the world._" I noticed how she emphasized the end of her sentence.

I had to admit that even with over a decade of yearning for William, and another baby, I had never considered this as an option.

"Are you talking about taking a human child in and... _adopting _it?" I didn't know what else to say. Could she trust all of us to remain in control? She and Emmett had not been in constant close contact with humans yet, and even I struggled sometimes when I would attend functions with Carlisle – even immediately after feeding.

She shook her head. "Well, that was his first thought, but I don't think Emmett's control is that strong, yet. He wants to get a baby and change it, making it like us."

The sheer thought of it somewhat horrified me.

"Just think how wonderful it would be..." Rose continued, her eyes dreamy and fixed on me. "We would never leave one another; the child would know eternal love." My adopted daughter looked at me, her amber eyes shining. _She really has thought about this. _

I reached across and took one of her hands into mine. My other touched the bottom of her ivory chin gently. "Do you by remember the pain, Rosie? The searing agony you had to endure? Would you honestly consider putting a child through that?" I never liked to think of the agony. I remembered that very clearly.

Her face dropped. "No... I hadn't thought of that." She looked instantly saddened, and I cupped her smooth cheek. I didn't mean to upset her so, but the first thing that popped into my head had been the burning of the transformation – seventy-two hours of horrific pain. Three days of being aware and begging, screaming out for death. Both Rose and I had found a little comfort in listening to voices, whereas a child would not – a baby especially. Would they even survive the change?

"I'm sorry, darling; I don't want to cause you any more grief. I sat and watched my baby die. He struggled for his breath as his tiny lungs gave out. When I think about children... that's always the first image that springs into my mind. An innocent and young life, in immense pain..." I felt the venom pool behind my forever-dry eyes.

Rosalie laid her head back into my lap and exhaled a long breath.

I began to run my fingers through her locks again, smoothing out the curls. "I had never considered that, even though you know I long for a child. Carlisle has never mentioned anything about vampire babies. Surely it would be possible, if even by accident." It was almost a question, and Rosalie hummed in agreement. "But think of it. As beautiful as the idea sounds of having a child forever – and sharing so much love – how it must feel for that child to be trapped in the body of a toddler or an infant forever. It's bad enough being frozen as we are now. We're adults and struggle with never growing, nor aging."

I stared straight ahead and out of the window into the moonlight. I felt Rose nod into my lap and she sighed loudly. "It feels bad enough being nineteen and trapped. I can see how distressing it would be for a child – particularly if their mind continues to grow."

"I'd not thought of that either," I admitted to her. "Maybe Carlisle would know more, but I assume he doesn't, seeing as he's never mentioned this to me before." I wracked my brains for anything he had mentioned in the past.

When our mates arrived home and Edward disappeared, Emmett and Rosalie took a walk together, thus giving me time alone with Carlisle. After our reunion, we curled up together in the rocking chair on the porch, looking up into the sky to watch the moon and the stars.

"Carlisle?"

"My darling?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together, looking back out into the night. His hand wrapped around mine, and he squeezed gently. I felt a surge of warmth rush through my body as he gazed at me, and I turned back to him. "I need... can we discuss something?"

"Anything," he whispered, smiling at me, his eyes soft.

"It's of a rather... delicate... nature. It's regarding a conversation that Rosalie and I had this evening."

Carlisle bowed his head and wrapped an arm across my shoulder, urging me closer. I allowed him to take me into his arms.

"You can tell me anything, and you know if it's confidential, it shall not go any further than the two of us, my darling Esme."

"I know that... I... oh, Lord, this is just... I mean, I feel a little uncomfortable asking you this. It's all very silly."

"Don't be shy. I'm positive that anything you want to ask me could not be remotely daft, my love."

I couldn't help but smile at his sweetness. I took a deep breath, inhaling his luscious scent.

"Rosalie approached me today. She and Emmett have been discussing little ones. You know how desperate she is to be a mother?"

My husband merely nodded, clearly not wishing to interrupt me.

"She made the suggestion... Emmett wants to find her an orphaned child... andmakeitlikeus." I pulled my hand away from his and wrung my fingers fiercely, not daring to look up at him. I felt Carlisle tense beside me and inhale sharply. Even though my words would have sounded jumbled and incoherent to a human, there was no doubt that Carlisle had heard every single word.

"Oh... my love..." His voice was quiet and full of sorrow. He wrapped his other arm around me and lifted me easily into his lap. "I am sorry that you were afraid to bring this matter up."

"So then, it's possible?" I didn't know what to think. Should I have felt relief that it were possible or disgust?

"Yes, it's possible."

"You've never mentioned it before."

Carlisle rested his head on my shoulder, taking a moment to consider his words. "No, I've never mentioned it before, my love, because it's forbidden."

"Forbidden?"

"Yes, the Volturi do not allow children to be changed," he said carefully. The tone of his voice made me aware that there was more to it than he was saying.

"So the Volturi have hearts after all?" I asked. "They don't want the children to be in pain during the transformation?"

My husband laughed, his eyes dancing. "Oh, my sweet Esme, I wish that were the reason." He cupped my cheek and pressed a small kiss to my lips and then nuzzled my nose with his own for a moment before continuing.

"When an infant or a toddler is transformed, they are known as an Immortal Child. They are said to be so beautiful that they can control a person with just one look. Their mental age is stuck with them as when they are transformed, but they still possess the gifts of our enhanced strength and speed.

"They are far too young to be controlled, and it's thought that because of their mental age, they'll never learn control. When they were discovered, they were destroyed. Creating one has now become the worst crime in our world. The penalty is death for both the creator and created. Also, in addition to this law, anyone who knows about or stands by the child are punishable."

I knew that my mouth was agape. "Carlisle... I... I had no idea. Those poor, poor babies."

Carlisle held me close, pulling me to his chest, his hand stroking between my shoulder blades, no doubt trying to lessen my angst.

"I'm sorry if you would have wished for me to discuss this with you before, but you see that it is rather a... touchy subject. I honestly never thought that it would come up in our conversations," he told me, sincerity in his velvet voice. "I didn't mean to keep this from you."

"No, it's fine, really. If I am perfectly honest with you, I'd not for one moment even considered the possibility. The thought of adopting a mortal child, let alone give one our life, had never even crossed my mind. Rosalie said that it was Emmett who came up with the idea."

Carlisle chuckled. "Seems as though our son is brighter than he lets on. We should give him more credit. There is more to the bear than meets the eye."

"Certainly, he's not just a pretty face," I said, thinking fondly of young Emmett. He had made such an impact on our family – especially Rosalie – in the short time he had been with us.

My husband tightened his arms around me and then loosened his grasp, looking at me intently. "Do you think that this is something the two of them would do?"

"No. Even without them knowing the real reasons, I don't think Rose could bear to do it. When we spoke, we discussed the... the pain. Rosalie would not be able to put an infant through such torture."

"That's good. Of course, she and Emmett will need to know the truth, but at least we don't have to worry about the possibility of it happening and our family being put in danger. As much respect I have for my former colleagues, I don't wish for the Volturi to make their way here, especially with Edward's recent return and gift."

I didn't tell him, but I did not want the Volturi to come looking for us either. Carlisle had spent a few decades with them, and it always worried me that they'd want him back. He made a good point about Edward. Carlisle had mentioned to me previously that Aro was something of a collector of talented vampires. Edward would be a huge asset to him and his _brothers. _I knew that neither Edward nor Carlisle would go willingly, but I'd learned of Chelsea – one of the coven members who had the ability to sever the ties and bonds between covens. I shuddered at the thought.

"We need to speak to them, make them aware of the laws. I don't think there is a danger of them going against it, but they must know that all of us would be jeopardized if it ever where to happen."

"They'll be back shortly. Rosalie said they would only be gone an hour or so." I got to my feet, and Carlisle followed. I hooked my arm through his and allowed him to lead us back into our home to wait for our companions.

They arrived home soon after and they both looked at me and Carlisle expectantly, eager to hear the result of our conversation. As much as I hated to break my sweet daughter's heart, the truth had to be told.

Carlisle sensed my anguish and took charge; we all sat around our large oak dining table to talk formally. My husband was passionate as he spoke and so understanding of Emmett's and Rosalie's feelings.

"It was just a thought," Rosalie had replied sadly. "But then I remembered the transformation. I couldn't do that to a child."

I was so proud of her. Emmett remained silent and comforted his mate. They really were polar opposites, yet so perfect for each other.

All I could do was to pray that by some miracle, Rosalie would one day get her dream.

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I'd love to know what you think about this - now I know that SM never mentioned this happening, but I honestly think that it's something which would have been discussed between Rosalie and Esme in "the early days" - so although this is a canon fic... does this chapter technically make it AU? Humm? Please leave some love and let me know your thoughts. I know I've kept you waiting for a long time, it WON'T be four months again.

Next time, we meet two new member of the Cullen family...


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